DOING THINGS DIFFERENTLY: Not ‘right’ or ‘wrong’, just different!

Staying friends with my ‘ex’

My husband and I had an amicable divorce, back in the 1970s. It had just been made easier in the UK courts to do this and we went for the new arrangement because we didn’t want to get into a fight over money, and the custody of our child was straightforward. I would continue to look after our son in the family home and my ex would have access whenever he wished. As his work took him abroad for much of the time (one of the reasons for our separation) this would not be a problem.

We succeeded in remaining friends until his death. He often visited us and we sometimes visited him. There was little or no acrimony between him and my partner, and when we finally visited him and his second wife we got on well. It was tough for my son, who still bears the scars of our divorce, yet I can’t believe it would have been better to cut my ex out of our lives completely. I wanted my son to grow up knowing his father. He might not like him very much, but at least he’d had a chance to get to know him.

I feel sad that he did not grow fond of his Dad, and my partner sometimes felt resentful that he was bringing up someone else’s son, but overall I still think it was good to stay friends with my ex. Some people thought it strange that I, the divorced wife, ended up having to arrange my ex-husband’s funeral, but I felt satisfied that we gave him a good send-off. The book of my marriage may be finally closed, but the memories are mostly pleasant and that is a great blessing.