How to Find a Balance Between Emotional and Personal Boundaries
For many years, people thought that deep emotional connection only existed between a child and their mother. As we grow, we become more independent and learn to give ourselves the care, attention, and love we once needed from others.
It was common to see a strong need for a partner as a sign of weakness or childishness. This is not true.
John Bowlby, the creator of attachment theory, originally studied the bond between a child and a parent. His followers later expanded the idea to include adult relationships.
It turns out that all people, no matter their age, need close emotional connections. There’s a good saying: “We only truly know ourselves when we see ourselves through the loving eyes of someone else.” As we age, relationships change, but the need for a close, supportive person remains strong.
It’s not necessary to aim for complete independence. You shouldn’t be afraid of your need for love and closeness. Here’s why.
First, let's understand what "emotional" means. Building this kind of connection depends on being in touch with your feelings. It means you recognize and understand what you’re feeling and can express it.
Everyone has a different level of emotionality. It’s best if partners are similar in how they express their feelings. When one is very emotional and the other isn’t, building a connection is harder.
Still, it’s possible if both people are honest with their feelings and don’t hide them.
Emotional closeness is mainly about understanding what your loved one feels in different situations. It means you don’t guess how they feel, but know. For example, you realize that they are silent after an argument not because they are ignoring you, but because they feel guilty and don’t know what to do.
How to tell if you have emotional closeness in your relationship?
There are clear signs.
One is the ability to talk about anything. You can discuss any issue without fear of judgment. You rely on feelings, not just facts. For instance, instead of saying "You're always late," you say, "You’re late again, and it makes me feel like I don’t matter to you."
It’s also important how you feel during these talks. Good conversations happen without yelling, insults, or arguments. They are respectful and productive.
Another sign is sharing difficult feelings. You’re not afraid to talk about times when you were scared, ashamed, or confused. Sharing these feelings makes you feel safe and supported.
Mutual respect and acceptance are also key. No one should feel superior or try to change the other. Both accept each other as they are now and help each other grow emotionally and personally.