Desperate vs Motivated

Ever since I can remember, I've always been indecisive. Whenever my teachers would ask me what I wanted to be when I grow up, I never really had a real answer, it was always something that just interested me at the time but knew that I couldn't really sustain. I wanted to be a fashion designer, a nurse at some point, a fire woman (for God's sakes) to prove a point that the word should not be limited to being a male-dominated profession, then I wanted to be a vet, a linguist, a charity-worker, the list goes on and on and on....I took up HRM for a semester, dropped out, started my driver's license process - didn't take the road test, went back to the Philippines to study Foreign Service and before graduating I was absolutely convinced that I wanted to be an Environmental Engineer.

Even in relationships I was no better: I remember my first boyfriend ever, Khalil, had such a hard time keeping up with me because I knew that I liked him and I knew he loved me, and he knew it too but every cell in my body seemed to question the longevity of the relationship and the likelihood of us staying together. We didn't, but that's not the point, I just couldn't decide if I wanted him to be the last person I was going to be with, I was 16, just about to graduate from high school, am I really going to make the decision of a lifetime right now?

Not being able to decide is a pain in the ass, but just like all things, in time...you learn to live with them. Your flaws become a trait, questionable and/or annoying to some, maybe endearing to others but mostly insufferable for yourself, and that's what usually matters the most.

Just like most things as well, it either takes you to dazzling places you've never known [sings a whole new world] or gives you a massive head ache.

But then there are the things that no matter what happens remains constant, you suddenly meet someone you know you want to spend the rest of your life with, bar none! and the dreams that though they keep crushing you and every idea for success comes out empty, every road ends up closed, not even a single butas in sight, you still keep trying because right now, this is all you want, and even if you change your mind in two days...this! is! it! for now...(mehehe)

You're suddenly way past the point of motivation reaching a whole new level of desperation, because motivation runs out but desperation never tires. It keeps giving you a reason to think, to innovate, to emulate greatness! in ways that motivation will not allow you to go.

Remember when you were in school or college or even at work and you'd always wait for the last minute because you were trying to muster up even just a dot of motivation to write that paper or finish that project but you keep putting it off until the last minute and you suddenly find yourself, typing like the speed of light, ideas overwhelming your brain, and adrenaline coursing through your veins!

Sometimes you'll get the grade you don't think you even deserve and sometimes you get the grade you DO deserve for not having prepared sooner rather than later, but either way the work is done!

Anyhoo, this thing that I currently want so bad has been occupying a lot of my head space and using up a lot of time and effort. One of the reasons I came back to steemit is because as my cousin @pingcess would say "may pera sa steemit mga besh!" and also because I have all this pent up energy from being so desperate and I need an outlet for it before I lose my freaking mind, and also my job is INSANELY boring.

That's all folks!

Remember, desperation will take you places that motivation can never be in the same vicinity of. It's a quite annoying feeling really to be honest.... but again, it gets the job done! but of course, keep your morals in tact no matter what haha! I don't want a murder or what-not being linked up to this post.

Till next time!

Love and light,

Sarah, the _____ :)