Dreaming of lost love: An Allison story

I have a lot of dreams. I would say that I dream almost every night. Some times these dreams are nice, other times they are tragic or even scary. I don't know why it is that I can remember almost all that I dream about but I tend to whereas I think that most people don't remember any of their dreams.

I look forward to sleeping because it is like I am going to a mystery movie every night when I close my eyes. Plus i've heard that dreaming indicates that you have achieved the REM sleep portion which is supposed to be the most beneficial, so that's good if it is true.

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They say it is impossible for you to dream of a person or at least the image of a person that you have never seen before. I have no idea how anyone could possibly know this and it sounds like a made up thing for a psychologist to write a paper about more than anything that can actually be verified. I'll go ahead and assume that it is true because at least the main characters in the my dreams are people that I have actually met, for the most part.

Last night I had a dream of lost love, but not really in a "the one who got away type capacity" but more of "the one I never got, and never could get."

Let's just call her Allison, because that is her name in real life, and she was a girl I knew in high school that I was absolutely infatuated with.

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Like most high schools, mine had a social hierarchy of sorts and Allison was at the tippy-top. I was somewhere around the "upper middle-class" if you know what I mean. Allison was a star student, a cheerleader, absolutely gorgeous, and loved by everyone. I was liked by most people, reasonably popular, but a bit of a self-induced outcast with long hair, black t-shirts, and of course terrible teenage acne.

Allison and I rarely interacted socially, but we were both really into acting. We were both considered stars of the drama class and school acting productions, and we would frequently interact with one another in this class. I would have loved Drama class anyway without her presence, but her being there was just the icing on the cake. It maybe sounds a little bit pervy now, but I would use this class to come in contact with her as much as possible. I never worked up the courage to ask her out because in high school I was a bit of a coward as far as that is concerned in a general sense.

Many years later at a high-school reunion I told her about my fascination with her and she thought it was cute but also informed me that she probably would have said "yes" if I had asked her out. What a stab in the heart that was to hear 15 years too late. After that high school reunion, I went back to Asia and she went back to her life in USA where she is happily married and has a couple of kids.

The interaction that day stuck with me though, and it is odd to me that it's been over a decade that I have even thought about it.... until last night.

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It's difficult to tell how old you are in the dreams that you have but in my dream last night Allison was I think around the age she was when I last saw her, and she was flirting with me in the dream. Unlike the cowardly person that I was in high-school, I took full advantage of this in the dream and it felt wonderful. We went and did stuff together for what in my mind was weeks even though I was probably only dreaming for minutes. The mind works in crazy ways like that.

What was so nuts about this dream was the fact that I woke up several times in the night, realized that it was just a dream (which was disappointing) but then was able to will myself back into the same dream several times. So in that regard each time I would wake up it was like I was waiting for our next date and each time I re-entered the Matrix our relationship escalated until eventually I asked her to marry me and she said yes.

I woke up about 20 minutes ago with a very clear recollection of everything that took place in the dream and of course Allison isn't here. It's just me and my doggy friend, Nadi. I'm not going to say that I am disappointed to wake up with my loving doggo next to me but going back to reality was a little bit of a letdown.

I don't have any idea where Allison is in life right now, and I think that she probably doesn't have any idea that I am on the other side of the planet living alone with my dog. That's fine - c'est la vie!

Wherever Allison is I hope she is happy and even though the dream was a sign of a potential huge mistake that I made in life by not acting on something that could have worked out for me much earlier in life, had it been successful and we had gone out, stayed together, and had a life together in USA, it would have almost certainly resulted in me not having the life I have now... and even though Allison - or any other woman for that matter - is not a part of my life - I quite like my life so I am not going to cry about that.

It's just really awesome to me how the human brain functions. I haven't thought about Allison for many many years but last night my brain decided that it was going to be the "feature presentation" for what in my mind, was a very long film. I'm here with a smile on my face because the dream was wonderful, even if it was kind of a tragic "film" since it is all about missed opportunity.

For all I know Allison is an absolute nightmare to be married to and has a horrible home life. In the meantime Nadi is very easy to live with and gets excited about doing basically anything.

You ever have dreams like this? If so, let's talk about it