Non stop death

After listening to the doctor's advice, I was taken aback. He told me that if I want to live, I should avoid bread because it increases fat, which leads to obesity, and obesity is the root of many diseases. Fearfully, I asked him if I could eat paratha. He shouted, "Paratha...which means cholesterol. Eat it at your own risk, but be prepared for a heart attack."

I shivered and asked, "Doctor, can I eat naan?" He pounded the table, "Eat naan so you can face nonstop death." I scratched my temple, "I really like potatoes. What do you say about them?" He shifted uneasily in his seat and said, "Potatoes cause restlessness, they are not easily digested, and they can lead to brain hemorrhage."

The doctor is a well-read man, always engrossed in some research, so I had to listen carefully to his advice. I considered myself lucky to be receiving such valuable advice from such a competent doctor for free. He told me to avoid eating cauliflower, radish, turnip, and colocasia because they cause gas.

He warned against eating anything cooked in ghee or oil because even the best oil is harmful to the heart. Fruit juices can also lead to diabetes, which significantly shortens one's life. Market foods like samosas, fritters, pizza, burgers, shawarma, golgappa, and dahi bhalla should be avoided because they are made with spices that are extremely harmful to health. Rice should be abandoned as they can cause cancer. Eggs have a warm effect, so it's better to stay away from them; if you have to eat them, you should eat them without the yolk. I asked wistfully, "Doctor, if we remove the yolk from a twenty-rupee egg, what will be left?" He calmly replied, "Whether or not there is anything left in the egg, you'll definitely survive."

The doctor warned that eating tinda can cause low blood pressure, leading to dizziness and physical weakness. Okra can affect the gallbladder. Broiler chicken should be avoided altogether because the feed given to the chickens contains steroids, which are deadly for human health. Even local chicken should be kept at bay because its meat doesn't soften quickly and often causes stomach issues. I quickly asked, "Should we eat lentils?"

He sternly replied, "Use your common sense, lentils are not properly cleaned and are generally gaseous and do not meet dietary needs properly. People who eat lentils remain mentally weak and start losing their ability to think and make quick decisions. I timidly asked, "Doctor, I’ve heard that chocolate keeps the mind fresh." The doctor gritted his teeth and said, "Chocolate might keep the mind fresh but it causes a plethora of other problems. Eating chocolate suddenly spikes your sugar levels, greatly increases the chances of tooth decay, and upsets the stomach."

God knows, the doctor felt like a true benefactor to me. I had been enjoying eating all these things, thinking they were good for me, but the doctor’s timely advice had made me cautious. I decided that I would never consume any of the things the doctor had warned about. I took out a pen from my pocket and started noting down the doctor's valuable advice on a nearby pad.

The doctor informed me that leafy greens have a very warm effect and can increase blood pressure, raising the risk of a stroke. Eggplants settle in the stomach. Carrots cause stomach pain. Cold drinks can cause ulcers. Butter can clog the heart's arteries. Ice cream can cause chest pain. Any kind of pudding, cake, or sweets cause lethargy. Mutton damages the intestines, beef is a threat to the nervous system. Spinach can cause hemorrhoids. Gourd causes joint pain. Hoof soup causes dryness. Black or white chickpeas can disturb sleep. Tea can be detrimental to the reproductive system. Cucumber, melon, and watermelon can cause diarrhea with a slight negligence. Mango causes itching. Peas cause constipation. Oranges cause colds. Cold water weakens bones. Salty foods cause acidity.

That day, the doctor explained with full reasoning that not eating almost every food is the key to a healthy life. With great difficulty, I held back my tears and said, "Doctor, during my childhood, our schoolmaster would announce results by going to each class and declaring which children had failed and which had passed. I think you should do the same and instead of listing everything that's dangerous, just give me the good news and tell me what I can eat." The doctor paused for a moment, looked at me intently, adjusted his glasses, and said solemnly, "Eat only good things."

I was choking with sobs, "That's what I'm asking, what is a good thing?" He casually leaned back in his chair and said, "Eat porridge, bananas, drink warm water, and live happily."

I looked helplessly at the door and said softly, "Doctor, if you allow me, can I tell you a little joke?" The doctor perked up, "A joke? What kind of joke...tell me."

I leaned forward, "Once, a jester went to the doctor and said that his head hurt all the time. The doctor checked the jester's blood pressure, held his hand and checked his pulse, and said, 'Jester, your blood pressure is very high. Listen to me, stop eating bitter gourd with meat.' The jester thought for a while and then calmly said, 'Doctor, leave my hand.'"

Hearing the joke, the doctor exclaimed, "The doctor was right, eating bitter gourd with meat raises blood pressure!"