Self forgiveness 5

Desteni.org

Waiting for things to fall into place.

Waiting for the words to come together.

It's painful to just wait for the words to come together, when there's no pleasure, just living and exsisting in pressure.

Pressure to be released in pleasure as words, but not the way I'd like... I wouldn't like to wait around like this unable to find the words.

I wouldn't like it, but I wouldn't mind, because it wouldn't change anything either way.

It makes no difference to me how I find the words I'm looking for, or needing to find.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to become a powerful person when I'll let myself be uncomfortable just because I don't want to look for the words I need to find most effective.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait around because I know that I'll find the words within me eventually.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust eventually within me even when eventually is laced with more difficult trials then what is best.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pick the most excruciating trial as if that's the best trial to choose.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pick the most painful trial when that's not neccisataky best for life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not define myself within words to find the words that I need.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself to pick up some words spontaneously to then find the deeper words I need to really get my life moving on a big scale.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear picking up words just to drop them being bad.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to trust that no moment no words I have ever lived have just been dropped but are always still a part of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear using small words to move me into the big words.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that small words collectively make up big phrases and big sentences and big mantras.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place too much focus on every little word.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to focus on little words where big words are something I'm overlooking.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be intimidated by living small words.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to push myself so hard to live big words that I supress all the little words that make big words even possible.

When and as I see myself waiting around for the big words to come up in me and as myself, I stop, I breathe, I realize that in the action of waiting I'm living a small word that can be perfected and redefined to prepare for the big words to come through, thus, I commit myself to live small words as equal to big words seeing that the diffrneve between words is defenition a small word could instantly or over time become a bigger word in my living.