Day 337 Journey to life

http://matthewstonesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2017/03/day-337-journey-to-ungoro.html?m=1

Matthew Stone's 7 year journey to life
Friday, March 31, 2017
Day 337- journey to un'goro

Desteni.org

Journey to Ungoro is the new card exspansion for hearthstone, the card game that I like.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to say to myself in my head compulsively that I'm probably going to spend way too much time then I'm supposed to on the new exspansion.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to predict that I'll spend too much time on the new exspansion because that's how I know I'm programmed in postponing and excess.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I'm painting my own mental character picture of what will happen instead of making a decesion.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept that wasting more time on the new cards in my card game I play is just what will inevitably happen.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not own my decesion where if I am going to spend more time then I'm​ supposed to on the new exspansion of the game I play then I need to own that decesion.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to call myself names in spite like being lazy instead of just opening my decesion and accepting the consquences.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what my life has come to when I am easily possissing myself over video games.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be self honest that there's a lot moving behind the scenes that I'm not aware of that my actions are something I don't take hardly any responsability for.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being possessed by how excited I am that the new cards will make the game more fun again.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear how possessed I've been by the other exspansion that have come out for the game.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my entire life based around video games.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to play too much videos games and not develop some better skills because I feel disemfranchised.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for having to fight myself so much over a card game when games make tons of money and are designed to be engaging and possessive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that games and playing and fun is part of life.

When and as I see myself fearing not wanting to have to put in all the work to deal with the new cards being released for the card game I like, I stop, I breathe, I realize that I either put in the work to adress my addiction, or I remain limited by happy, thus, I commit myself to find out who I am within being limited and being happy.

I'm limited to not being my best I can be if I don't sort out my addiction to games and media, but I don't care because I'm happy...

Who am I in not caring? If I don't care then... Something happens.

Care is like car, I'm driven by what I care about.

If I care then I am moved, I move mysked because I care.

If I don't care what happens, then I act robotically... And play too many games and then suffer at work because I got too high off game in my free time and then get low and stressed at work.

So I do care about not being stressed and low at work or school... But I forget that I care...

When i access my automatic time to play games and watch media character is because I lose grip on the things I care about.

I'm afarid to truly hold onto the things I care about.

I'm ashamed of how much I can care.

I'm embarrassed by how much I can care about the things that matter to me.

I'm confused by the things that I drive myself to care about.

Things get confusing and then I forget and just focus on games and media like another part of myself.

I'll have to have more time to sort things out, but I'm also happy about how things are going so...

Just keep writing speaking self forgviness, because I've tested all other avenues and I don't have any more time to waste on anything else at all. So I have to go all in with self forgviness.

Thanks.
Matthew Stone at 11:06 PM
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