your comment about the farmer taking his life and leaving the family with the fallout reminded me of a client I met a few years ago. Her husband had committed suicide and she was being chased by tax people. She was consumed with grief to the point she could hardly get a sentence out without sobbing.

It took a lot of patience to move through the consultation. She kept telling me details of his preparations and his actions and how they showed how much he loved her even in his final hours.

Finally, unable to keep silent any longer, I gently and quietly said to her "he probably loved you very much but to be honest in those final hours, he was more about his own despair and very little about how he was going to hurt you by leaving you. Love is being steadfast even in the bad times."

She didn't respond and I didn't expect it. At that point I had to leave the room to get a couple of questions answered by the boss. When I returned to the room I was met with her looking at me and thanking me.

She had been so consumed with trying to find love in his actions, she couldn't move into the other stages of grief like anger and acceptance.

The tax issue was resolved with a letter and the client started to move forward in life.