Scary Moments

I never cared much for anything, including myself. When the ebola crisis hit my country, I smelled as everyone rushed to buy hand sanitizers and stuff, I never even read the symptoms to look out for. I simply just didn't care about.
When bomb blasts became a common thing in my state, I didn't even care for my movement. I even escaped a blast in a 5-minute window after just using the atm where it occured.

For some reason, I just didn't care much for anything, even myself.

Recent events has got me really scared... I am not sure why. Is it because I am older? Or that I am married with a son? Or the manner in which this virus takes its victims? It looks really painful.

About six days ago, I woke up with a slight pain in my chest. I had been hearing about covid-19, but didn't pay attention as much. I felt as long as I don't touch anyone or anything, kept my distance and drive in my car; I would be fine. Plus as a developer, I worked mostly from home, except for the additional gig I got to teach web development on the side for 3hours daily.

I had been teaching this class for about 3weeks when the pain started. One night, it got worse and I felt I breathing was as deep as it should be. Then, I read the symptoms of this virus... CHEST PAIN.

I was going to die, I thought immediately.

I am in Africa, under a terrible government. I won't survive this if I have it. My rational thinking when one holiday immediately, I began to imagine the worse.. Who will take care of my wife and kid? What if I had spread this thing to them? Where had I gotten it?

All of these without a test of any kind. I thought the chest pain was enough.

I hadn't show any of the other symptoms. Headaches, cold, cough and stuff. But the chest didn't hurt and I felt I wasn't breathing well. Our minds doesn't fuck with us. My heart also began to beat really fast. Like I was afraid.

That I am afraid is unlike me.

And I think I know why.

I don't want to leave my wife and kid. I just don't. I won't. My boy is almost two, and I have enjoyed watching him grow. I want to see the rest. Maybe this is what changed, I think!

There has been a lockdown for two weeks, I cant drive out to the hospital while seemingly having to catch my breath. I need to be alert to go out. As I will get robbed, get harassed by the police or army, whoever I meet first. Here, people will take advantage of your weakness.

Luckily, after we decided to go to the hospital, we taught to visit a pharmacy to check my blood pressure. My hear still felt really fast.

Can you imagine going somewhere and complaining about a chest pain or cold these days? The looks of suspicion will swallow you.

They checked my BP, but after talking about how I felt. One of the suggestion was an ulcer or acid reflux.

And it made sense immediately.

I hadn't been really eating well since I started my side gig. In fact, I mostly woke up only to drive out and came back to sleep. I hadn't shown any signs of fever and stuff either.

I was being paranoid.
The pains reduced after medication. But yesterday, it hurts a bit more.. I must have eaten something wrong or so. But my mind has been wondering again...

Worrying times, this!

How are you dealing with this period?

Let me know.

Cheers.