Vulnerability: The Vehicle that Moves Us Between Shame and Empathy

I know we're all up to our ears in Brene Brown, but if you haven't seen this video clip, in which Brown differentiates guilt from shame and speaks to shame's role in destructive behavior, here's your chance to rectify that ASAP:

"Shame is far more likely to cause destructive behaviors than to cure it. ... Shame is highly correlated with addiction, violence, aggression, bullying. It's not helpful to be ashamed ... shame corrodes the part of us that believes we can change."

Shame is not an effective motivation for change: that's some vital insight right there. But the most powerful takeaway from this clip for me are the insights on connection and the relationship between shame (a form of disconnection) and empathy (a form of connection):

"If you think of connection as the thing that gives purpose and meaning to life, on one end you have shame and on the other end you have empathy. I think what moves us between these is vulnerability. Vulnerability is about "how do we sit with uncertainty? How do we sit with fear?" ... If you can figure out who are when you're backed into vulnerability, it's one of the greatest gifts you can give to yourself and the people who love you."

For me, the image of vulnerability as a vehicle that facilitates my movement away from shame and disconnection toward compassion and empathy (for myself, for others) and greater connection (to myself, to Source, to others) gives clarity to an emotional mechanism that I know to be true for myself from past experience. When I find myself shutting down or withdrawing (my favorite go-to methods of self protection when I am feeling hurt, fearful, or vulnerable), it might be helpful to pause to acknowledge that I am feeling unsafe. I might then consider what sort of safety might give me the courage to to move in the direction of reconnection. Can that sense of safety can come from within myself, or can I ask for reassurance and support, or both? This act of self compassion could transform the way I relate in difficult moments, giving me choice where reactivity has reigned in the past.

Similarly, when others are lashing out, withdrawing, blaming themselves or others, avoiding an issue, or otherwise being difficult, what if I had the presence of mind to pause and reflect on (and maybe even check in with them about) whether they might be feeling unsafe? And if this is the case, what might it look like to hold the strength of a safe(r) container before continuing with whatever difficult conversation inspired the constriction in the first place?

That sounds like some deep compassion and wisdom to me.

I'm curious to hear what insights you gleaned from this clip, or about any experiences you may have had in moving toward connection or empathy via vulnerability.