Illness and community

When children are unwell parents/caregivers care for them. When the main wage earner is unwell, the main care giver looks after them and the children. What happens when the main caregiver is unwell.

That age old saying 'It takes a village to raise a child' it also takes a village to support each other too in all areas.

Thankfully I am just unwell and this will pass. Unfortunately, the flu has started it's secondary attack after lulling me into a false sense of recovery. But it's really,really difficult to care for even yourself, let alone anyone else, when you are laid up with something like flu. ( let alone anything worse)

We used to have community. Where neighbours knew each other. A parent became ill and neighbours would knock the door with food or offers to take the children so you could rest. I remember on the few occasions mum was really unwell or laid up with her bad back, we would be off to Jackies across the road or over to school friends for tea, or off to Carols. Dad would need to be at work and friends and neighbours would lend a hand.

And it's not like we had social media to let people know what was wrong either. You noticed the milk hadn't been brought in or the family not out and walking to school or any other number of things. Or you just regularly called each other or stopped in for a cuppa. (When was the last time you just popped round a friends and knocked on the off chance of a chat and cuppa!)

And then there is the other side of this rant. The 'take a load of tablets and crack on' side. Where we are told to just take painkillers for the headache or fever and then we will be fine to do what's needed. We have the symptoms for a reason. No they aren't fun. Fevers are crappy. But they have an important function in making the body less hospitable to the virus you've caught.

Those my age are of the time when antibiotics and painkillers were thrown around like sweets. And I get it. It's hard to do it differently, and maybe we really do need painkillers and antibiotics for some things.

But none of us are allowed to just rest and let the body do what it needs to. If we do that? Why aren't we taking something to feel better quicker? Why are we asking for help with the kids when we aren't doing what's needed to get better 'quicker'. Why aren't we up and about after a day or two? No one is allowed to be unwell anymore. Despite general illness being pretty yuck, with so much stress and anxiety from the constant need to perform and be everywhere and be everything.

And I'm fighting my own inner crap with that too. I've not asked for anyone's help with the kids this week because everyone has their own stuff to deal with. No one else wants flu and to be laid up for 2 weeks after helping me out and I don't want that either. I hear my inner voice shouting 'Why am I ranting about this instead of taking meds to feel better'

Cos the whole point of this flu is because I overdo it all the time and therefore my body needs a total rest. Doing as much as I can for others. Being in 3 different places at once, daily for the kids to do their home ed activities. Ending up Running my business in my 'spare' time as if it's a hobbie instead of a valid business, because being a mum and a home educator is already a full time job. Doing community work on top. All of which I Love! But all of which needs me to be healthy instead of masking crappy bugs that haven't had a chance to get out of my system properly.

It almost makes me miss when the kids were in school. Well. Not over where I live now, but back in Eastleigh and Chandlers Ford when we really had that community. We would pop to each other's for a cuppa. We would take other people's kids to school and visa versa. We would have them over for tea because mum was having a difficult day. Pull together in times of hardship and illness. I miss that. Yes everyone knew everyones business but that's often how it goes in communities. Over in my area of Southampton it's very different. No one knows anyone's business. You are lucky to even know your neighbour, except for the estates where despite it being really hard, everyone knows everyone. The kids play outside and knock each other's door. It's not ideal by any means but it is community, often held together by circumstance.

The home ed community is great. But you often travel to meet ups. We are spread far and wide and you must make the effort to be a part of the community. It's not just on your doorstep and in your face. If you are ill and unable to come along to a group, it's rare to hear from anyone to check how you are. Because everyone is just busy doing their own thing with their family.

There is a pretty constant cycle when it comes to me and illness. It's gotten tonnes better! I've got tonnes better at how I approach stuff......but still that community spirit is missing amd that makes me feel sad. So sad that I had to stop writing my rant to have a good cry.

To be fair, that may be the flu talking as I frankly feel awful and even this rant is taking days to write as I'm exhausted.

I had to ask my son to take the bus in to college today, knowing he really struggles with this element of becoming more independent. Hes 14 but goes to college 1 day a week on a 14-16 course. He had done so well getting the bus home, only to be met with jaded bus drivers who are used to cheeky teenagers. But my son is not one of those teenagers. He struggles immensely with social communication as part of his Aspergers and the anxiety he had to overcome in order to bus it home? Was huge and so he was proud. Proud he had managed to navigate another piece of the world. Unfortunately this was met with demands that he pay adult prices, confrontation of drivers not believing him to be 14. And so, despite us doing our best to sort this, he is understandably nervous about getting the bus. That was really difficult for me, asking him to not only get the bus home but also navigate the busy roads to get the bus there too. He's capable. He's very good with roads and safety. But he gets very anxious. Not ideal when you are setting off for a day of study.

We used to know the bus drivers. They knew our children's names. They knew us. They would check on you if you didn't get the bus a few days in a row, worried for your health or wellbeing. I'm not even talking about 'back in the good old days'. This was only maybe 5 years ago? Again, a small town, a closer community.

So where am I going with my rant? I'm not even sure any more. But what I do know, is that community is still alive and well in many areas. And maybe we need to take a look at that and see where larger cities are failing. Where Larger communities are no longer interacting.

For me, I just have flu. But there are so many in this community I don't know about that are struggling with disabilities, long term illness, loneliness, depression and more- that could be helped so much more by community.

It takes a village to raise a child and It takes a village to support each other.