"The Danger Show" - Comedy Open Mic Round Three

xanderslee (56)in #comedyopenmic • 7 years ago (edited)

(A man in a flashy suit steps out from behind a curtain onto a wide semi-circular stage, greeted by a massive audience and thunderous applause)

Welcome, welcome, everyone to the Danger Show! I'm your host, Ryan Oceancrest! Here, we pit celebrities against impossibly dangerous situations! Our first contestant, Eminem aka Marshall Mathers aka He Really Did Stand Up, is currently trapped in one of our patented LockTubes...

(Camera pans to Eminem most definitely inside a cylindrical tube, looking rather angry. It seems he's spitting some rhymes but no one can hear him, honestly)

... Haha, yes! No worries, folks! He's entirely safe...for now. In a bout of irony, our producers have decided to drown Eminem... in M&M's. Our announcer in the box, Fred, has his hand hovering over the big red button. When he pushes it, a mountain of chocolatey candy goodness will pile on top of everyone's favorite rapper!

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(Camera zooms in on Fred in the box, his face contorted in what appears to be a mix of pleasure and pain, and a head bobbing in his lap. He opens his eyes, notices the camera, and leaps up from his chair, accidentally kneeing the woman in the face. His pants are wrapped around his ankles and he gives a pathetic wave. The crowd gasps and laughs simultaneously)

Goddammit, Fred! This is the third time this week!

(Camera closes in on Ryan Oceancrest, who is clearly flustered. He clears his throat)

Anyway, as soon as Fred pushes that big red button, Eminem will finally live up to his namesake!

(The crowd joins in as Oceancrest counts down)

Five...four...three...two...one! PUSH THAT BUTTON!

(Fred, nearly tripping over his pants, pushes the button and a flood of candy falls on Eminem, who is still rapping something unintelligible. The crowd holds its collective breath for a moment before Eminem's pasty white hand beats against the side of the tube. Ryan Oceancrest presses a hand to his ear and nods)

We're sorry, folks. We seem to be having technical difficulties.

(Oceancrest pulls out a device with a single blue button and presses it. The floor beneath Eminem's tube opens up, revealing a mighty orange glow, dark flames rising. Ryan presses the button again and gives Eminem a small wave as the tube crashes through the opening)

Don't worry, folks! He's entirely safe... for now!

(Moments later, the camera motions to the side of the stage, where Eminem rushes out, his hair singed and darkened, most of his clothing burnt off. He tackles Oceancrest hard and beats him. He then climbs to his feet, grabs Oceancrest by the ankles, and tosses him in the flaming pit)

The Real Slim Shady... does NOT like fire. Bitch.