Modern Day Expert: Comedyopenmic 14 first Entry

Warning: If you're sensitive to foul language or images, I advice you to stop reading this post, sit in front of the mirror and curse nature for making you a pussy. After carefully studying the needs of women and doing lots of internet research, I came up with this beautiful short piece.

Today we're going to talk a little about dick pics.

Dick pics are the bedrock of most developed societies. It is said that in the modern society, 90% of marriages/unions are a result of a well taken dick pic, so in effect, this salient yet pertinent issue is as important as @jerrybanfield's pubic hair to the steem block chain.
The difference between a sad life of loneliness or being a raging sex machine could lie in two minor tweaks to your phallus photography; so whether you send them privately to married women or just broadcast on your whatsapp status for your family members to judge before dispatching, today's your lucky day

The Angle
I've been told I'm the Picasso of phallus photography due to my adeptness of this topic, so it is with great authority I say that the first and most important thing is the angle of photography. Women go for the flash, so it is important you make a good first impression. Make sure your camera shoots at an angle that depicts your boomstick to be slightly larger than your head. Ideal angle SE, 40°

The Side Show:
Getting a good smile into the picture depicts confidence and makes her even more interested. The dick is obviously the main attraction but getting other body parts into the photo actually helpsnyour cause. Researchers believe that a man with more confidence in his dick pics has a 0.98 probability of smashing. If you've not been smashing, its because you're sending dick pics to married women and their "husbands" keeps intercepting them. Don't let that deter you, wait for the restraining order.

Disclaimer: No penis was hurt during the production of this piece and I do not in any way condone sending dick pics to married people, unless both of them consent to it and this doesn't happen to often.

I nominate @kaleem345 and @yash01
Image source: google search