Hey there. I was raised Muslim as well. I used to wanna take my own life too. All I can tell you is that life is difficult and there's not an easy way out. Suicide isn't the solution either because you don't really know what awaits you after death, do you? Don't look for answers in others because humans are fallible and you're a human too. If you want answers, go to God directly but before you do that, make sure you're ready to hear what God has to say. All the best.