BRINGING MY DAUGHTER UP, SOME THOUGHTS
When I was studying elementary school, a classmate told me that his dad advised him “not to let others beat you.” If someone gave him a blow with a stick, he must return it, that is, if he were beaten, then he would strike that person back. In my viewpoint it´s good to know how to defend yourself, but I think the advice of my classmate´s father was misdirected. I agreed to the part of avoiding letting anyone beat you. However, I disagreed to the second part of the advice, “striking back.” From my perspective, literally speaking, the point is “not to let others beat you.” If you strike back, it is because you have already let someone hit you. The mistake in the advice given to mi friend is there.
I would give the same advice to my daughter Vera Sofía, to avoid being beaten, disrespected or abused in any way. To be respected, it isn´t necessary to be violent, rude or with tendencies to bullying (physical or psychological harassment to someone), and definitely not allow such behaviors. Being a respectful and assertive person with good self-esteem are characteristics that can help to avoid being hit (either physically or psychologically). However, I plan to teach my daughter, so that, she can defend herself in case of a physical or psychological attack. I highlight, I´m going to do it in the strict sense of the advice “avoiding letting anyone hit, intimidate or humiliate her,” which is different to strike back after letting such actions occurred.
As a stick fighter, a basic principle is to move oneself out or stand oneself out from the place where an attack was directed, in other words, to avoid being the object of an attack (don´t let oneself be beaten). That´s the principle I want to teach my daughter, knowing how to avoid physical and psychological attacks. Avoiding the first one, the physical attack, is matter of practice, the latter, the psychological, has to do with bringing her character up: a Christian, assertive person with high self-esteem.
As a former judoka, I also have some experiences about the underlying principles to avoid being harm: when they push you, you give in or pull them, and vice versa. There is no effort, just let the energy flow. The same conclusion can be gotten from certain experience I had with the aikido and jiu jitsu. Although, in the mentioned arts there are also counterattacks and attacks, my perspective is that they are used to neutralize the opponent and prevent someone from doing damage. Alternative which is taken by not leaving the opposite person options different from the invitation to stop attacking. It is not the same to return a blow for having received one, that to avoid, control and/or dissuade, physically or psychologically, anyone who wants to take away your inner peace.
Principle: if you are happy, you are emotionally balanced. When someone attacks you, that person must have some kind of imbalance.
Whoever loves a quarrel loves sin; whoever builds a high gate invites destruction. Proverbs 17:19
A hot-tempered person stirs up conflict, but the one who is patient calms a quarrel. Proverbs 15:18
We should not let anyone take away that balance, that happiness from us. If I return a physical or phycological attack viscerally, then the attacker already achieved his objective: to put me at his level, to take away my peace, my balance. That´s why we have to be careful with our vanities, arrogance, pride and stubbornness.
Where there is strife, there is pride, but wisdom is found in those who take advice. Proverbs 13:10
Don’t have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments, because you know they produce quarrels. 2 Timoteo 2:23
We are not perfect, but a good self-esteem and assertiveness is crucial to tolerate (not let people abuse you). As Christians we must be gentle in heart, but not placid. You have to have malice, not in the sense of evil or contrary to virtue, but in the sense of being suspicious, distrustful, “…Cursed is the one who trusts in man...” Jeremías 17: 5
Now, timing or attitude to avoid physical or psychological attacks can be develop. One with physical training, both with being an intelligent and educated person with self-esteem and assertiveness. The capacities to make decisions imply knowledge and experience. Therefore, the education of our children must be permanent.
God blesses all parents!