Childhood to Adulthood - Some Observations on Influence

So as I begin my Steemit journey, I ponder what information to share with you all. 24 hours a day my brain feels full of all these extensive thoughts that I'd like to share with anyone that I feel may understand; Now that I have the outlet and means to share this, I find I am at a loss on where to start. I've chosen this 'subject' as it partially explains Me and how my thoughts work and a bit about why I am who I am now....or so I believe.

Here's my brother Chucky and I

We insisted if we must nap, we shall nap together!

November 1, 1993 is really when everything changed. I was just about to turn 5 and my baby brother was 2 1/2. He had started showing symptoms that concerned my parents. He wasn't keeping food down, walking into things, trying to pick things up but grasping at the empty space next to whatever it was he was reaching for....clearly something was wrong. The doctors tried medication for the flu amongst other illnesses that could be messing with his equilibrium, nothing worked. That day in November, he went in for a CT Scan and before the scan was finished, my parents were signing liability paperwork to send him into surgery. My father tells the moment this way: "I looked at the surgeon who I had just met and said to him 'I've barely known you for a full minute and you're telling me you're cut my son's head open?!"...to which the doctor responded with "Sir, it's a miracle your son is alive right now...he has a tumor the size of a baseball growing off of his brainstem putting pressure on his brain"...and that was that.

Chucky hugging Dad

Candid photo my mom took. Can't thank her enough for those

My brother, Chucky, had 24 surgeries in the next 14 months...at 4 different hospitals in 2 states. Chemo, radiation...nothing would make this cancer go away. After complications during the second major removal surgery, he lost the ability to walk, talk, eat or breathe on his own, and had paralysis on the right side of his face and neck. Tracheotomy, feeding tubes and visiting nurses were his life once he came home from the hospital. The doctor's told us he would likely never even roll over in bed again....but Chucky had other plans.

So much Sass! (That's our father's personality shining through!)

Man was he full of life. Coloring, dancing (well, from a sitting position), Nintendo, (he played until he had blisters on his thumbs), building, Play-Doh,....emptying and using all of my Barbies and their accessories while I was at school...you know, typical 4 year old boy stuff. LOL He was always smiling, always making everyone around him laugh...truly the only time I remember him being sad or angry was if I was upset. Other than that it was all wonderful.

Being silly with shaving cream at the Hospital

He loved that video game!

March of 1996 he slipped into a coma at home. We knew it was inevitable, but it was still devastating. 7 weeks went by and one day while I was at a friends, my mom finished doing dishes and realized it was unusually quiet...his machines were off. There was no more life for them to monitor...my baby brother was gone.

Fast forward to today. My parents divorced after Chucky passed. Luckily they always explained everything to me in a very 'adult' manner...they never hid anything about my brothers illness from me and they did everything to raise me as 'normal' as they could. I must admit, I personally feel they did a great job given the hand they were dealt.

I attended college part time, paid for myself as FASFA wouldn't do anything. My major was Child Psychology (no surprise there) as Psychology topics always came easy to me. I've always been fascinated by the way the brain works; probably how I ended up wanting to write this all out to you. At some point I started thinking about leaving college for financial reasons. At the time I was working full-time as a daycare teacher at a home based Family Child Care. It was the perfect job for me. 10 children, all under 5 years old. It was the best job I had ever had. After a few months my boss started leaving the premises during the day and with my level of experience, that was highly illegal. (I still did my job, it usually went smoother without her there)...Anyway, I digress...I left the job to be a nanny for some of the kids that had been at that daycare for a few years, until I started the job I have now.

Over 7 years ago, I began working at another home-based, family child care. This place blows every single other place I've EVER seen, Out. Of. The. Water. My boss is the most positive, beaming, generous, wonderful woman I've ever known and it absolutely radiates throughout the center. Here is where I have FLOURISHED. She and I are like an unstoppable team and have heard nothing but positives from every parent we've had. My father always told me "If you don't work with kids some how for a career, not only will you be doing yourself a disservice, but children out there will be missing out on an incredible teacher." My boss seems to feel the same way, as do most of the parents I encounter. I started to think about what made me this person...why kids? I am so drawn to them, helping, playing, educating...At Christmas parties I can be found hanging out with the kids wherever they are while parents are all elsewhere. I began exploring my consciousness, almost psychoanalyzing myself...and I feel I've come to a conclusion.

When I lost my brother, I lost my best friend...my little life companion for the past five years (ironic that my job consistently has 10 children under age 5 )...I've always treated close friends like siblings, looking out for them, helping them, almost in a mothering way....or you could call it "like a big sister". Now, as a 29 year old adult (-ish), I can't imagine working In any other field (I tried once, it failed me horribly...emotionally). I feel sometimes like I learn more from my kids at work than I ever did in school about what's really important in life. I truly feel like losing Chucky is what brought me to this place. I'm one of few people who can say that work really is my happy place. I wonder how different I would have been had I not suffered such a huge loss so young. I often wonder who Chucky would have become, but that's lengthy enough for it's own post later. I think many times when we are asked about how our childhood influenced us we respond reflexively with our favorite memories and traditions. I Personally think all the time about how my life could be different....would it? How? I'll never know for certain, but I do know one thing for sure... Even in the afterlife, Chucky figured out how to make me smile even on the cloudiest of days and I'll forever be grateful for that gift he has left me. <3

If you read this far, I thank you...It's taken me a long time to write this out the way it felt inside. Welcome to what made me who I am.

-Taylor