What would you change about yourself?

I am always striving for progress and evolution & the only constant in my life is change.

Basically since conception I have been subject to programs that have created certain patterns within my psyche. (We all have been)

I was exposed to extremely high intensity situations while in the womb which have effected me in a way that I am constantly experiencing a vast array of extreme emotions that I sometimes find difficult to express. I understand that I was/am in alignment with this due to my souls affinity for intensity. I don’t wish to change this aspect of myself, I only want to improve my ways of processing these emotions.

One of the healthy ways I have learned to express intense emotion is by crying but If I don’t have regular healthy releases like crying then I can become explosive and harmful (emotionally sometimes physically) to those closest to me or I can become self destructive.

I also have had a tendency to be reactive, I have been working on this for a while so I am not nearly as reactive as I used to be but when I do react sometimes I become very hasty and I make rash decisions.

I don’t judge myself for these patterns that I have anymore.
I am just focused on reprogramming myself with more efficient and beneficial programs.
I want to program myself to be responsive instead of reactive.

Remember Remember Remember

I also would like to improve my memory. Writing seems to be helpful but even sometimes I forget to write. Forgetting seems to be my number one sub conscious excuse in life. I know this comes from a defiance mechenism that I developed as a very young child. I created this “forget” defense to block out extremely traumatic experiences.
(If anybody has any advise on this topic I would gladly receive help.)

I have come to realize that everything is exactly how it’s suppose to be

and we have these experiences because we are exploring all the different emotional realities we can have in these bodies. We do influence our reality to a degree but we can only influence it with our conscious intent and conscious awareness. The thing is that we are mostly ran by the unconscious programs that we picked up in childhood. 95% of the time we are running by our subconscious mind!!

But we are becoming more aware of our programs. We can’t change something that we are unaware of, but once we are aware of it and decide we want to change and attempt to reprogram the subconscious mind it takes time, lots of repetition and preventative action. How many times have you reacted in a way (a reaction program, like the one I mentioned about myself previously) that you didn’t want to and ended up hurting somebody that you love with harsh actions or words. I can’t even count how many times I have done something like this. This is just one example of a program that I am working on reprogramming. We have so many programs that have been imbedded in us for years, (programs of fear, lack, control, doubt and more) the more years that you have been alive on the earth the more programming you have been subject to and the harder it is to change/reprogram. Like teaching an old dog new tricks, maybe difficult but anything is posible!