How to Wake a Human

Let it be known: I tried the soft meow.

I tried walking across her ribs.
I even did the classic tail-flick-to-the-nose maneuver.
She would not wake up.

So, at 05:03 AM, I deployed Plan Eyeball.

Silently, I approached.
I extended one single, perfectly sharpened toe bean dagger.
And then…

Poke.

Right.
In.
The eyeball.

She made a noise like a dying goose.
She sat up, wild-eyed, gasping, “WHY—??”

I stared into her soul with calm authority.
It was breakfast time. She was late.

She blinked.
I purred.
Mission accomplished.

There was some muttering. Some mild profanity. Possibly threats involving squirt bottles.
But the kibble was served.

My paw? Slightly moist.
My dignity? Unshaken.

They say love is patient. I say love is punctual and involves poking soft human parts until food appears.

Forever effective,
Gryzka – Alarm Clock Extraordinaire, Specialist in Eyelid Tactics