RE: My first amateur try at poetry
First of all, as to what you said - I encourage you NOT to do rhyming. Rules are only there to be broken. Freestyle is quite modern and the main style of poetry nowadays - no rhyming, no structure. Very few professionals are able to do that well.
As for the poem, it is a great first try. The message is there and I could understand it - which is the most important premise in poetry. It doesn't matter if your language or grammar is not accurate, you got your point across. The second stanza speaks the best, in my opinion. As for constructive-criticism, I would try breaking the stanzas into more lines, make them less like long sentences or questions - this might help out. The 'or' is confusing a bit as to how it is used, but do not worry too much. We learn by trying and you show promise :)
Thank you SO MUCH for your candid review, @poetrybyjeremy, this means A LOT to me. I can learn from you, an experienced poet, and now I have an idea of how I can make my next poem better by not doing any rhyming and not making each stanza too crowded.
Thank you again :-)
Everyone has a style, so let your heart speak afterall. If you are interested, @damianjayclay has four posts about Poetry Editing which are really useful. Maybe they are too much for now, but I would definitely take a look at his Poetry Editing 101 posts because they will be extremely helpful in the long run :)
Definitely will check out his posts. Thanks again.