PTSD Christmas Planning - My Monday Missions Entry

My son has severe ptsd due to my obesity and poor health while he was a child. We were all each other had, and my many near-death experiences were an integral part of his young life.

How many times can you see mommy be taken away in the ambulance before your young brain is hurt? How many times can you be the only one there when she falls and you try to lift her 250 pounds with your 60 before fear and despair takes over?

He has been diagnosed twice with this disorder. It was not until a few years after the second diagnosis that I was able to face up to it and realize I am his biggest trigger. Now at 26 years old, he sees me, and still feels fear. He talks to me, and just the sound of my voice takes him back to those terrible times.

Here is the moment I faced this awful fact. In this short video you can hear about how I went to groups for ptsd sufferers and lurked. I heard my son's story over and over. I heard my story over and over. This shock was a lot to take.

Now we are on the other side of the world from each other and rarely communicate. I am praying he will find a way to heal, but I cannot help. It’s best to let him find his own path to health.

I probably will not hear from my son at Christmas this year. Our communication in the last months has been worse than usual. Even if times were better, my Christmas plans would remain the same.

The last two years I have made a point to go to online groups for ptsd sufferers on this day and tell my story. I offer myself as a substitute mom for any of the people in those groups that can’t speak to their own mom.

I know from past experience that the groups will be active on Christmas Day. I also know I will find people wanting to talk to me, and both of us will feel better after we communicate.

The first year someone said, “I wish my mom was like you.

I said, “She is like me.”

Sad and helpless in the face of knowing you cannot help your child.

I have to make some preparations for my Christmas Day. I need to be cautious about what I say so I do good and not harm. Here are a few of the ideas I will study to be sure I am on the right track and don't say the wrong thing.

It's important to keep in mind that ptsd is not a mental illness. It is a traumatic injury to the brain. It can however bring on mental illness, such as depression and anxiety.

And here are some things I can say that will help if the opportunity comes up.

• Are you getting enough sleep?
• Be sure to pay attention to your feelings
• Spend time in nature if you can. Is there a nice place near you?
• Is there any hobby you like to do? See if your can find groups or meetups for it.
• What makes you laugh? Laugh as often as you can.
• Grieve your losses -don't bury them untouched.
• Accept yourself, imperfections and all.
• Only try to change yourself, not others
• Ask for help; you’re not superman or superwoman
• Spend less time mindlessly in front of electronics
• Connect with positive friends and family
• Try to do things because you want to, not out of obligation. You do not owe anybody anything.
• Practice gratitude daily
• Express your feelings; even if only to yourself.
• Surround yourself with positive people
• Exercise gently every day
• Eat as healthy as you can
• Remember it’s healthy to say “no.” You do not need an excuse.
• Forgive yourself when you screw up
• Limit alcohol, caffeine, and other drugs
• Spend some time alone
• Get to know yourself - do you have a journal?
• Always listen to your instincts
• Practice deep, calming breathing
• If you’ve been prescribed psychiatric medications, take them as prescribed.
• If you’ve been prescribed medications and want to get off - do it with your doctor's supervision.

My plan of Action

Pre-planning

• write a 100-200 word introduction
• open my many groups to find those that are active before the 25th
• check for new groups that may have started since I last looked.

on the day of:

• open 3-5 groups
• post my introduction
• answer anyone who has already posted a comment I can speak to
• check back each hour or two
• make a closing remark with contact information when I am done.

I am so grateful to have a place to tie all my notes together. Writing this planning post gives me strength and optimism to carry on and eagerness for Christmas Day to come.

This post is my entry for @qurator’s Monday Mission where the theme is Christmas planning this week.

My photo at the top of the post was found on a random walk long ago. I used a Canon ELPH160 point and shoot camera for it

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