It was not only one of those days

Hey everybody! Here's another off the cuffs post and not a "Clive's English Corner" one. It will be about what is currently going on, and why I have been in a semi-hiatus from Steemit.

Panama! Oh, Panama!

It has been 3 years now since I moved to Panama. Believe it or not, my original plans were not to move here. In fact, I was planning to move to study TEFL certification in another country, but I received a call from an ex-coworker offering me a position in Panama, so I decided to come here instead. Little did I know that it was a complete sham. There was no such a position available for me, so I was stuck here with no lined-up job. However, some friends of mine, the ones on the picture below, that luckily were living here, offered me to join them in some music gigs, and that was key to get me on my two feet and find my way around here. Since then, Panama has been nothing but great to me. It has provided me with great new friends, travel, study opportunities, job opportunities, and an overall great place to live.

Funnily enough, these two dear friends had to leave Panama and move to another country. Talk about life trying to make me understand about things not being permanent.

 

One thing I have learned since I moved here is how temporary most things are. I used to be a person that was obsessed with plans, and I would get upset when things did not go exactly the way it was outlined. Over and over, experiences that came my way here have demonstrated that things can change in a split second.

Due to the mass migration problem of people from my native country, Venezuela, there has been many of those who come to Panama and go by the book, but unfortunately, there are also plenty who misbehave and cause problems. Therefore, due to how fast news spread nowadays, locals have grown apprehensive of this particular nationality. This made me grow more and more in denial of my own origins. I sought refuge in my other nationality, Dominica, and I isolated myself from any news or things related to Venezuela. This completely changed when an old romantic interest resurfaced.

It started as a platonic relationship that evolved into a prominent long distance one. As time went by, things got more and more intense, so I decided to go against all odds, bought a ticket to my hometown and I went to meet her. This trip was pivotal, to say the least. Many things happened while I was there. I reconciled with my origins when I reconnected with old friends and family. I saw with my own eyes that despite all the terrible things going on there, people are trying their best to thrive; but above all, I had one of the most intense romantic experiences I have ever had. Both drunk on these euphoric emotions, we thought it could be a long-term relationship. The old Clive that obsesses over plans decided to creep back in and decided that this would be a potential life partner, and he forgot of the lessons that repeatedly life had taught him that things do not work this way.

We innocently thought that living thousands of miles away, and one the parties working in a job position that is mostly about permanently traveling and being overseas for long periods of time could work. Unfortunately, but not surprisingly, things started to go sour shortly after the other party embarked on this journey. Communication quickly degraded, and both started to suffer.

When we finally were frank with each other, we decided that it was best to go separate ways; on the other hand, knowing that this is the "best" decision did not make it less painful. I have had sleepless nights, sobbing, negotiation, denial, anger and all that good stuff that comes after a breakup.

Fortunately, there is a silver lining to this. After a lot of pain, introspection, meditation, and realizing that love is also about letting go, this process has made me rekindle my passion for music. In fact, I have written 3 new songs during this breakup that have had very good praise from those who have heard it, and it has made me re-evaluate my stance about recording my own songs in the short to mid-term. I have this newfound drive to go forward with both my "English Learning Coach" and musician personas. I have become obsessed with self-improvement and experiencing life to the fullest. So, I will go with the flow, but my priority now is myself, and I will do my best to not to allow anything to change this. 

So, there you have it guys! I hope to become a bit more active once more, and keep bringing you some more content, and who knows maybe some more of my music will show up around from time to time. See you guys on the next one!  

 

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