Changing Internal Discomfort into Internal Stability - Redefining and Living the Word 'Physical' with SOUL

I decided today that I need to start changing the relationship I have with my body. I meant to write this blog days ago, but had incredible resistance because I know that when and as I look at this relationship, things are going to have to change. I touched on this point in my redefining the word physical, but I am not satisfied with the depth I went into with regards to my closest experience with the physical: my body.

My current relationship with my physical body is not the best. I find I have a cumulative cyclical relationship where the internal environment becomes more intense and pressured as the day goes on, wherein, at night, I am like a pressure cooker ready to blow, but with no particular outlet. This may sound a bit extreme, and although that is in fact the experience of it, I have been living this way for so long that I have learned to ignore, suppress and distract myself from it.

When I was working, it would start upon waking up due to my habit of constant rushing, so the process was sped up and more intense. Sometimes I would not come down and de-pressurize myself for days or even weeks, depending on what was going on in my life outside of work. I have been able to ‘escape’ these experiences from time to time, but it has never been anything sustainable.

That fact is that it has to change, and I will support myself in this direction through redefining and living the word ‘physical’. So far, my definition is:

P = Place
H = Home
Y = Why
I= I
C= See
Al = All

Physical: The Place that is my home, it is me, and that is Why I see all that is required to do and not do, to be and not be for myself, my physical as Me.

I would like to further refine this to specify the ‘see all’ part. What exactly is it that I am seeing?
If you read my blog called Speaking with the Physical? Redefining and Living the Word 'Physical' with SOUL

-you would see how I experimented with opening myself up to a greater awareness by simply not judging, but objectively observing my physical environment.

I would like to now begin applying this awareness inward, by listening to my own body. Objectively. Non-judgmentally. This means I have to unconditionally accept all of me, as I am now. This has been a challenge my whole life, as I have constantly judged and blamed my body, experienced anger and hatred towards it, rejected it, ignored it and abused it. So, this is the process ahead, and although it feels slightly unforgivable, I will in fact bring myself through to self-forgiveness on how I have treated my body throughout my life.

My first step here will be to make a slight shift in my starting point. Moving from “I have to unconditionally accept all of me”, to “I accept and allow myself to unconditionally accept all of me, as I am now”. I get to create a new self-relationship that is beneficial. I have the opportunity within space and time to develop a supportive relationship to and towards my body.

Big difference here.

Right now, my experience when ‘just being here with me’ becomes very uncomfortable very fast. This at time gets in the way of my ability to enjoy the moment, the way I interact with others, and it leads to less than optimal choices.

So when I look at how I would like to change this relationship, I see that I would like to open myself up to develop a body awareness where I can read what it is my body is trying to tell me, and then decide my actions based on this ‘seeing’. I would like my body to be and become my stable, solid, safe haven where I can find peace.

I will update my progress throughout the upcoming days by sharing my personal experiences and the realizations I am able to derive and then live. This is going to be a real process of self-creation as I can see I do not have this well developed at all, which is why I am glad I am giving it my attention and focus now.

Thanks for reading!

PS: the photo above is a step I am taking - experimenting with the camera, different poses and effects. I am constantly judging pictures of myself. So instead here, taking a breath and posting.