The life of someone with severe depression #2

Hi guy's, it's me again, thought about it.

So even if there is no succes at the end, I think it's more wasted time if I don't try it. Sure when I fail then it doesn't matter, but when everything goes well than I have something more. Or so. So let's keep trying.

Had yesterday a conversation with an "ex", not really an ex, we were never really together, but I don't know. I miss him, but I'm not good for him. Sure I have a few good day's were I'm more social. But I'm sure there will be soon bad days ahead, maybe a self fulfilling prophecy. I don't want to hurt him again. But it makes me sad when he say's that he has given up on hisself. Talked with him about antidepressants and how they helped me and maybe they could help him with his anxiety.

After a while he did agree with me, but also said that even if he knows it, he'll not change it. There is no reason, he just don't. I can unterstand him, I did half of my life nothing about my problems. I would never blame him, I'm not better. But it just makes me sad. I wish I could help him. But I'm not myself that stable to help others, it hurts though.

Than there is my hope to be able to be someone who can help others. I want to be a psychotherapist, but that's still a long way to go. Not even started uni, still 7 months till it starts. Think about the time between, thought about traveling or hiking. No concret idea yet. Before that I'll go to a hospital for mental help. No idea when though. Hope soon. Don't want to be broken anymore.

Found a spain-workbook in my room, 6 years old. Never did more then the first few pages, I felt really bad. I don't think I have the ambitions to learn spanish know, but at least I'll try it. I hope with more serios than at that time.

Later I'm gonna meet someone new, no idea how it will end. I don't think that it will be something more serios, but I can get out of the house. Don't need more. Or so.

See you.