Chillies...not for sissies!

Avoid girly upsets with this full proof art of manliness tip, which will leave you chilli popping like a pro!

It’s the moment; you look at it and hold it up in all its majestic wonder. You pause as you rotate the bottle to the side, and now gasping at the innumerable amount of hot chips loaded in the bottle, your eyes begin watering at the sight of chilli madness.

Oil based, slightly fermented and a brilliant all rounded red maroon. Covering the cylinder in your hand, your grip tightens and to mix the ingredients in the bottle, you begin what’s known as the tender shake...and boy oh boy...the shake is tender.

A bold mix of beauty, your hand to arm gesture only to be captured by your gaping mouth as it waters at the pure delight of the chilli chips starting to mix up with the oils and other ingredients in the bottle. You’ve had enough, your grip tightens once more and you twist the cap off in a state of emergency. The once placid sauce has gathered a presence of its own, overpowered by the salt, lime and fermentation process all bubbling in the bottle, it erupts!

Your facial expression drops, not because you’re upset, but because you can’t see a thing! It’s in your eyes, burning a hole in your cornea, you huff and puff about exclaiming “MY EYES”! Burning and red, you wipe the soaked chillies out from the corners, only to have failed to notice that your paws were covered in the sauce to begin with. Screaming for milk at the top of your voice, and slightly near the point of a cardio vascular breakdown, you feel no soothing in sight!

Your newly bruised and battered ego, from your neighbours that overheard you crying like a little girl, begging for some soothing milk, like a toddler without a dummy, has finally found a cure for the burn. Like a beam of light, you’ve uncovered one of the universes greatest mysteries, the chilli bottle without a warning label. It is quite common for chilli bottles to explode and burst open from vigorous shaking. Never shake the chilli bottle well! Rather let it rest, open the bottle and mix the ingredients in the plate.