Maniac Roadtrip, Part 5: Night Driving And Peculiar Hazards
"Where McDonald's is, is civilization." Regardless of how funny you think that is, there's a lot of truth in it. Canada's not quite the same: we use an all-Canadian alternative. It's none other than Tim Horton's. Tim Horton is a former NHL player like Dick Duff, the "favorite son" of Kirkland Lake I mentioned in the previous part. They even played together for the Toronto Maple Leafs for a time.
But instead of settling into the life of a hockey elder statesman, Mr. Horton started a coffee-and-donut shop. At the time of his tragically early death in 1974, his creation was being franchised and was on its way to becoming to Canada what McDonald's is to America. "Rrrroll Up The Rim To Win!" and "Double-Double" are just two of Tim Horton's catch-phrases that virtually every Canuck knows.
So, naturally: "When you see a Timmy's, you've found civilization." Like this one in Kirkland Lake:
Oh yes: Kirkland Lake has a McDonald's too. :)
Surprise Along The Provincial Highway
The main drag through Kirkland Lake is a provincial highway, Highway 66. Although Kirkland is a one-highway town, it's more than a one-streetlight town. As I was driving through, I counted seven of them along 66.
It's also big enough to support a few bedroom-community feeder towns. Larder Lake is one of them. The nearer King Kirkland is another. In the opposite direction, between Kirkland Lake and the Highway 11 that would take me home, is none other than:
Yep, that's a real highway sign:
and Swastika is a real town. It wound up with such an unusual name because it was founded more than a century ago, before World War 1. It became a town back in a day when a swastika was nothing more than a lucky symbol. I didn't find any evidence that the town changed its name during World War 2, but I wouldn't be surprised if the townsfolk had done so.
With the rain going off and on, it was an otherwise uneventful drive to the end of Highway 66 and what looked to me like another sign of civilization:
Highway 11, which would take me all the way to Highway 400 and home.
Sparser Traffic And Unusual Obstacles
Driving southbound, the traffic was light but not sparse. It was well after 9 PM on a Saturday night, but it was still fun time. About half of the traffic going the other way were transport trucks; the rest were regular vehicles. I saw 'em coming northwards in the other direction regularly, but it seemed I had the southbound lane to myself. I hardly bumped into anyone else driving in my direction, and those folks were all locals. The few I saw, turned off to side roads within ten miles or so after I first saw them.
Even though the traffic is light, the folks in Northeastern Ontario don't drive much faster than the speed limit. Many moons ago, on an easrlier roadtrip, I had asked a fellow in Kapuskasing about it. He said that the folks didn't want to get a traffic ticket. To be honest, I never saw so much as a hint of a traffic cop any time I drove above North Bay. Maybe there had been a crackdown I had missed but the locals remembered.
I myself had thought the more sedate speeds were caused by gas had been expensive. (At the time of that earlier roadtrip, gas in Northern Ontario had been north of C$1.10 a liter: more than US$3.20 per gallon.) It could be both; the driving distances up there tend to be loooong. It could also be that the folks up there simply aren't fast drivers.
The sparseness on my side gave me a chance to mull over the unusual warning signs on that stretch of highway. I saw several "Watch Out For Snowmobiles" signs, and a few "Watch Out For ATVs". I even saw the occasional "Watch Out For Farm Equipment" sign.
But there's one warning sign that predominates - so much so, that it was the subject of the only lighted sign I saw between Kirkland Lake and North Bay:
It says, very plainly to a driver, "Moose Hazard." It seems hokey, but it's no joke up there. A moose is a big animal: the females average more than 600 pounds and the males more than 800. A hunter can get several hundred pounds' worth of edible meat from only one.
Hitting a dumb one that crosses the road right in front of you can cause a lot of damage to your car. In addition, the males have a habit of getting...aggressive during the mating season. If a male decides that your car has a hanker-on for a female that he's eyeing - well, you can figure it out. Suffice it to say that there's good reason for the "Moose Hazard" signs that predominate.
Another obstacle is human-made. In addition to the bridge-construction spots that necessitate narrowing the highway from two lanes to one - I showed a pic of one near the top of the prior part - there are also construction pylons. Normally, they stay neatly on the side of the road, even if they narrow it a little. But in a gusty night, one or two can blow onto the highway. I actually had to stop and fetch one that had blown on the road, right beside a highway motel. It looked like this:
only it was rolling on the asphalt and had popped out of its stabilizing base. After fiddling with it, I couldn't figure out how to fasten it back onto the base. I had to content myself with placing it between the highway and a side road; had the side road not been there, I could have thrown it down into a ditch. Because I was road-minded, I didn't think to put it on the far side of the side road or to bring it to the motel. At the time, I was parked on the side of Highway 11. Even though the traffic had faded from light to sparse, I didn't want to expose the rental car to upcoming traffic.
So after half a rescue job, off I continued.
"They Roll Up The Sidewalks At Ten"
A very old wisecrack about Toronto called it "the city where they roll up the sidewalks at ten." Although that custom is long gone from Toronto, it holds true in Northern Ontario. As Saturday night turned into overnight, I noticed that almost all of the gas stations were closed. So were almost every other establishment; the only exceptions were a few motels, including the one just before that loose pylon.
Here's a photo of a tourist information building that was very closed:
Its rustic design was similar to the closed general stores I saw. Strangely, the outside lights were on - which made it convenient for me to relieve myself behind it :)
Another curiosity was old-fashioned - even archaic. You have to be a certain age to even recognize this little service depot:
Yes: there by the roadside in front of that tourist-information Municipal Office was a telephone booth. When was the last time you saw one of those?
At the time I took those photos, it was pushing midnight - and I still had a long way to go...
- A Necessary Errand...
- Followed By Another Errand
- From Cottage Country To The Border Of The North
- Tourists And Traps
- Night Driving And Peculiar Hazards (You're Here!)
- The Long Journey Home, With Barrenness And Wake-ups