Buried Culture
I'm thinking about going to a one day pow-wow out of town this weekend.
Most often times I feel shame or guilt like I'm doing something wrong. So, I don't go and I make up an excuse as to why I can't. And if I do go I find myself being judgemental. Staring at all these people around me, looking weird, acting weird, talking weird. Just weird.
Once I heard my Grandmother speaking that weird language when I was young. I would ask her what she was saying and she would look at me and in a shushing motion and say, "It's our secret language, sorry I can't tell you". And she never did.
I was raised to hate the color of my skin. Raised to think there was something wrong with me. Raised to believe I was a savage and in part I was. But not because of my genetics, but because of how I was treated. I was just a dirty fucken Indian.
I want to go to the pow-wow. I want to learn how to embrace my culture. I want to be a part of. I need to be a part of.
Spiritually I'm dead, maybe learning my culture will fill that six-foot hole. Or maybe it won't....no it won't, not if I keep holding on to that shame and guilt. I need to embrace who I am. Who am I?
I'm Tina/ George
I'm two-spirit. I have two souls. One woman. One man.
I'm First Nations.
I am learning it's ok to be all these too
Did you go to the pow wow?
I did. I ate Nish Taco. I watched dancing. I enjoyed looking at the beautiful regalia. I heard some powerful singing. Watched the Chippewa Travellers sing. :) It was a good afternoon.
Did you feel like this is your culture? Did you feel a closeness to your ancestors?
I do! I think I'll forever be learning about my people.
very cool post :)
I don't see it as learning your culture, since it's obviously not your culture. What it is though is learning the culture of your ancestors. How they lived, what they believed, what they may have suffered through in their lives. The more you know about them, the more you will learn about yourself.
I say Go for it and don't ever be ashamed of who you are or who they were.
Please be proud! Do you live in Canada? I have a friend who teacbes the ancestrial language of the Colville Tribe in Washington State. Maybe at the Pow Wow you could meet someone who could teach you some of your language and stories of your family's history. I hope you go!