Time is closing in - - Journal Entry 1

I have one month left in the USA . One more month before I head back to Vietnam. My plan was to just come home for 6 months and be back in December. However, as life usually goes. One thing lead to another thing, to another thing, to another thing. And now it's going to be nearly a year later when I arrive.

With everyday passing my excitement to get back grows. Some mornings it is hard to fall asleep. I have sticky notes on my door. Everyday I come home from work I cross on more day off.

I've been working nights at a warehouse. The warehouse of a very large company in the US and I believe some other countries. I hate it. If I knew I'd be staying in my hometown for some time, I would have switched to another job by now. Without hesitation. However, I'm here, I have the job, I figure I will finish out my "sentence" which I have so wisely chosen for myself.

I find it funny at that place. They constantly want you to work faster. They look at these numbers but not the story behind them. The just want larger and larger numbers. Always hungry. Always faster. And as you work faster, they raise the minimum requirement for that work.

They devised a form of competition. A clever little way to try to push people to work faster. To prove they are "better" than this shift, that building, this area. I find it entertaining, and sometimes scary. The interview process to work here is a drug test. The turn over rate is really high.

However. This time being back in the states has been good. I have met some people which have surprised me. Which is always good. Whenever I put in the effort to get to know someone, I find that people are much like icebergs. Most of the time I cast my judgments, and put them in a box with said label. I hate when I catch myself doing this, but it just happens. But! If I talk to someone who is willing to open up to me, I am always surprised. And I want to say that I always have my initial judgement broken, the label ripped off the box and the box itself burned to ash. Which is wonderful!

I've been away from STEEMIT for a bit. Just focused on some other things. I think I burned myself out a bit. And while writing and rewriting about my previous time in Vietnam I kept hitting frustrating walls. Finding myself not satisfied with what I wrote, but also with no idea what else to write or how to go about it.

I have also been very unsure what to even write on here. Do I need to keep to certain things? Or just write to my hearts content, see who I meet and what happens along the way? Just like with hitchhiking...stick my thumb out and see who pulls over.

I've been slowly loading up on kids English books to take back to Vietnam to give out to friends of mine. Either for their schools or their students. I am so excited to see my friends again. I was a pretty socially active person while living in Hanoi. But being back in my hometown, I've spent nearly a year working nights in a warehouse and my off time in front of the computer. Finding it nearly impossible to force myself out of bad habits and old ruts that have been built here over the years.

The change going from having so many good friends that you can spend time with someone everyday, to just having a couple people you see once every couple months. It took a while to adjust. But I feel that this time has been good for me. As a reminder.

I was also here for when we had to put down my cat, my baby, the day after New Years. I haven't cried that hard in a long time. I was also here when one of my best friends died. I was able to go to Chicago and speak at his memorial, spend time with his family, and I'll be seeing them again before I leave the country.

There have been a few times that I've been able to be there for my younger brother. He has a chronic pain condition the doctors called "Daily Headache Syndrome". He had this for 5 years now. Basically stuck at home. The good days the medicine helps. But the bad days nothing can help, and he lays in bed with an unimaginable level of pain until he passes out. He's been to every doctor he can go to, had every procedure they know to run, and tried meds, diets, exercise, alternative everything. Thus far nothing has cured him, and only a couple things have helped a small amount. If I had one wish, it would be for him to get better. Of us 3 kids, he's the best of us. I don't get why such terrible things have come his way.

I don't really have a plan for when I get back to Vietnam. See how some alternative income sources pan out, or I can go back to teaching. There are also thoughts popping up about joining a monastery in Burma. Then again, there are hopes that I'll meet someone special while in Vietnam. Fall in love. All that. Who knows. Life is a crazy adventure.

A picture of my baby Mitsi who passed away.