On being a woman

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Women. We're weird, dynamic creatures. Like emotional ninjas. You won't see stuff coming until it's already too late.

For reasons (ekhm, plot twist, childhood trauma, ekhm), I've spent all my growing up years deliberately running away from anything and everything related to being a woman. My goal was to be the exact opposite to "those stupid women". So I just had to be smart, no, not just smart, gasp, intelligent even! Ignore any and all vanity. Be a tomboy. Hang out with the boys. Be computer savvy. AND BY ALL MEANS - by all means - NOT! BE! EMOTIONAL!

By high school, come hormones and all that weird stuff, I had to eventually admit my defeat to all the bubbling, tumbling, erupting emotions - the core of what made me a woman, as I presumed at the time. Thus began the process of reevaluation. Since I could no longer fool myself of thinking that I can run away from being a woman, I could just as well embrace it.. well, at least the parts that I picked and chose to my liking.

A curious process, to create an identity of a woman, looking from outside of the cultural conditioning in. That is how you get a bellydancing ex-cabin crew that works in IT and has no problem leaning into the "I'm just a dumb goldfish" stereotype to get people off her back if need be.

Sometimes I look at us women and wonder how could anyone ever put up with us. But I guess, in essence, if you can accept a woman for what she is in all her fullness (and I mean, not just sugar and spice, and everything nice, but also farts, warts, emotional tornados, and all that bleeding), you can accept life for exactly what it is. Not an idealized version that takes out of equation half of existence and brushes it under the rug, as we have been doing for soooo long!

From completely varied sources (from light and dark forces alike ;) ) more and more often do I hear that the woman is the one to keep/house relational patterns, to set the tone. And not just in what she does or says or how she reacts.. it's more about being the shakti kind of a thing.

I think women intuitively know this and thus take on the "projects", knowing that they should hold the capacity to change both the other person and the quality of relationships. Where most women go totally wrong though, is thinking that this is a Newtonian kind of a process.. that if you don't see the results you've been expecting, then you have to go and fix it in the outer world. And that's where the nagging begins and relating essentially ends.

Yes, it is a personal offence to a woman if her man cannot read her mind. Because it's a hurtful reminder of the fact that we're doing this whole womaning process backwards and that, maybe, gasp, our calibre is not just big enough to pull off all that magic after all.

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_{Song on a loop: Tove Styrke - Sway}