Struggling with depression in a depressed country // why I haven’t posted in a while

I don’t usually talk about this because I feel like this a very private part of myself which does not define me, but in the end it’s a part of me with a lot of control over my mind and my body, so I decided to tell you a little (at least on the surface) on how I deal with depression in this country, so here we go:

To start with, I have suffered from depression since I was about 15 years old, at that time they did not give much importance to this disease, and people used to confuse it with simple sadness or something simple. Since I was a teenager I did not give him the importance that this needed since I was very much closed and I did not talk about it with anyone, and I assumed that it was only something related to adolescence.

At age 17 I was living alone and these feelings and thoughts had only become stronger and had taken much of my life as I knew it. I did not see the joy of anything, I felt so little, I felt that nobody cared, and that no one would notice if I was there or not, all these thoughts made me think horrible things about myself and whether I should continue to live in a world in which I had no importance.

While all this was going through my mind alone, in the outside world I always gave the impression of a good person: happy, cheerful, always making jokes and making those who were close to me laugh, all this because I thought they would not understand what I was going through and that this was simply the person they wanted me to be, and besides from that I simply didn’t wanted to alarm the people I love.

To make the long story short, at some point I seek professional help, thanks to that, I found some peace and I could concentrate on keeping my life on track and meet the goals that I had set in life (which I have achieved almost all of them) and for a few years, in spite of the disaster that this country has become (Venezuela), I was able to continue on a good path, with one or two bumps on the way but being able to overcome it thanks to the support of the people I cared about and self-love that I have managed to find.

But for the last 8 months, the situation in this country has become intolerable; the economic, social, family and other problems have been increasing at impossible speeds, and I have lost myself in the middle of that storm, and no matter how hard I tried. I cannot recover and put the pieces back together again. I feel that I am not happy where I am and what I do, the truth is that lately nothing seems to make me happy.

I'm just hoping that the storm will pass soon