RE: Big bum !!! And then what? - my opinion about the topic.
There are two problems here, to know the full story about arguments.
- There may only be one person who wants to work things out.
- One person might be an aspie.
If you are assuming that the other person wants to stay in the relationship, your view of their words may be out of whack. They may just being having a row to drive you away. They may be emotionally manipulating you because that's the way they get their kicks.
It takes two to make a relationship work. If the other is not really in it, then you are going to be taking words to heart that actually have no meaning.
If you are in a relationship with an aspie, they have no idea that the argument isn't about the subject. And if you press the issue, what will happen is they will take your words as exact and do that thing that you spelled out. In essence you are programming their future behavior with you, and you better be aware that you are making permanent changes. (probably for the worse)
I do not know if there is a relationship of two people in which there is no quarrel. The quarrels are somehow interpolated in human interactions, because here, no novum, each of us is different and has different needs, expectations or habits. The problem is not so much to counteract the quarrel, because it is rather impossible, and on how to deal with arguments. Anything that can be constructive for a relationship, even if the partners come to the conclusion that they are not arguing about socks on the floor, is only respectful and everyone is responsible for their actions. After discovering and sincere conversation about what we are arguing about, what we need from each other and whether the other side accepts it, forgiveness of bitter words is not a great difficulty.
Thank you for your opinion. You always can have your own.