Till death do us part

Today my grandmother was put into the holy grounds of hell. As I witness the death of my family as a whole, I can no longer be around bullshit any longer. Why did it take us this far to see the light of day. To bee around family and friends that really love you but in your heart of hearts, you can no longer love them.
I’m in my dark hour of living and find death to be very Beautiful.
My world has changed upside down and looking for God in this equation. So many bodies with no time in it.
Why do we have family to being with.
God created the havens and the earth, but from my site, the spirit has left their body.
Please forgive me for this dry spell. It’s going to get better.