My heavy and unsuccessful births

It was then 21-22 years, as if I did not already say, I tried to erase such painful memories from my memory. Being married, I lived at first with my mother-in-law, who did not differ from stepmothers from fairy tales, even worse. I will not say all the details, but to make it more clear - she drank and hated the whole world, an evil and black person. When I met her, I felt sick and I realized who she was at once.

I once again became pregnant one year after the first miscarriage. I was carrying my son, waiting for him, and hoping, praying to all saints that he was born. But everything turned out quite differently ... The ambulance arrived quickly, because it was already 6 months pregnant. I was registered and put on for preservation, the second time for pregnancy. Doctors did not understand the reason, and I did not understand her either. A few days later the waters went off, and my baby was still alive. I could not give birth, that only doctors did not do, and my pleas for a cesarean answered that they would not save me, but I still have to give birth. They pumped me with a bunch of drugs and wondered what was going on, in principle, like me. For four days the doctors with me did what they could, and the birth did not work out. I screamed that the baby was alive, that he was jostling, but the doctors were convincing what I thought.

When on the 4th day I was taken to an ultrasound, there was no longer a desire to live, no strength, because I almost ate nothing and cried constantly, plus bleeding, and transferred the first anesthesia. The screen turned away from me, but peering at the faces of the head of the department and the ultrasound specialist, which turned white and screamed, forgetting my presence from horror, and regret: "Do you see this? He is alive! "That's when I wanted to just die. My child lives four days without water, he so wants to live! The manager said that he could not be saved anymore, because I had already been drugged with drugs and lost so much time ... It was very painful, but I will continue to tell.

Once again, the birth was called, but alas, again for several hours - and the fights disappeared. And then the manager says: "This is a phenomenon! This does not happen. As if something had been done to her. "

And then I remembered my mother-in-law. I do not know how, but I felt that I was going to die, I no longer had strength, I walked - whiter than the walls. She gave her husband a photo and said: "Go to the grandmother, otherwise I will die with the child." He came and said that the severe damage on me that the fortune-teller was cursing, said that she was waiting for me for a long time to help. The operation was in the morning, the doctor held my hand when anesthesia was injected, and then it began. I found myself in darkness, so heavy that I could not describe it. Even if you hide under the blanket at night - this is not it. Somewhere I go, not seeing anything, only darkness. And the further I went, the less severe the darkness became. I was not scared, on the contrary, there was a feeling of ease, like I'm fluff, there is peace and there is no pain.

The darkness began to turn gray, on the side I caught a glimpse of the table and myself, passed by and started thinking that I want to be with my son and go to him, that I will not leave him. The darkness gradually grew warmer, as if the fog dissipated. Suddenly the train of thought changes, I start thinking about my relatives, that they are burying me, that I did not give money to it. A husband without a son has stayed and I will lose - about this, I reasoned already stopping. I decided that I had to go back, turned back and gradually began to feel the heaviness, as unpleasant as a concrete wall, slowly lowered to me, but did not press, I did not even know how to describe it. The heaviness began to intensify and I already feel some kind of itching in my body, that is, I began to feel it, but as if it had become numb and drifting away, there was no pain. Gradually hear, but do not feel what is happening.

Then I heard someone scurry about, scream. Something falls, people's voices, shouting again. I feel like my head is shaking, but I do not feel blows, and again pressure (probably at that moment I was massaged with heart massage). I begin to say to myself: "Enough, leave me alone, I'll be right back, not so fast, give me time, I'll be right back." I try to open my eyes, but I can not, they just do not succumb.

And then everything comes to its place, I hardly lift my eyelids and hear the doctor's voice: "Thank God. No! Do not close your eyes! "I was transported and put in a ward, put a cold on my stomach - and I again failed, but already like a dream.

In the ward they said that I was not there all day, then the doctor did not leave me and all the time I was measured by pressure and pulse. But in myself, I came only the next morning.

Later, I went with the map to the appointment of new procedures and was able to furtively see that there were records of my pulse and pressure, my breathing, which seemed to be gradually restored after it stopped. The card then suddenly disappeared, as it happens here, if something needs to be hidden or reinsured. I'm worried about something else: where was I and what was it? A friend said that I was probably in a transitional phase. And she said: "It's good that I did not reach the complete dissipation of the darkness and walked slowly, otherwise I would not have come back." And I do not know if this is so? Probably not to go after my son helped me the healer, to which my husband traveled, because the course of my thoughts changed for no reason.