The CBDC Panic, the Yen’s Last Gasp, and Why I’m Mining DOGE on My Phone at 3 a.m.
Memo: From the Desk of a Burned-Out Macro Analyst, 03:55 a.m. UTC, July 15 2025
1. The Fed’s Soft Pivot That Wasn’t
Powell waddled up to the mic Monday, all dove feathers and hawk eyes. Markets heard “data dependent” and priced in a September cut before he’d even cleared his throat. I heard “we’re flying blind, but the autopilot still says ascend.” Ten-year yields dropped 12 bps in 6 minutes; the MOVE index yawned. Translation: vol sellers are back, liquidity is still a myth, and everyone’s front-running a recession that refuses to RSVP.
2. The Yen’s Carry-Trade Funeral
Tokyo tried another stealth intervention—$35 bn in USD/JPY spot, according to the flows I’m staring at on Eikon. Net effect? USD/JPY slid from 162.40 to 159.90 in 45 minutes, then snapped right back above 161. The carry zombies aren’t even flinching; they’re just levering up in EUR/JPY instead. The Ministry of Finance now burns cash faster than a bored ape on ketamine.
3. China’s Digital Yuan Trojan Horse
Beijing rolled out offline e-CNY wallets for inbound tourists at Pudong Airport. Sounds harmless—until you realize every swipe geotags your passport number and coffee preference. Meanwhile, Tether’s market cap hit a fresh $120 bn. The irony: the coin designed to escape surveillance is bankrolling the surveillance state’s dollar shortage. Beautiful, really.
4. MicroStrategy 2.0: Corporates Discover Solana
Some mid-cap biotech in Utah just issued a convertible note to buy SOL. Not ETH, not BTC—Solana. The CFO tweeted a meme of a capybara on a jetski. Stock up 38 % after-hours. We are so far past fundamentals we need a new word for nonsense.
5. The Side-Hustle Arbitrage
While the adults argue about neutral rates, the kids are stacking sats on Cointiply during bio lab. I checked: their average user clears $30 a month—roughly the real yield on a 10-yr TIPS. If you’re already doom-scrolling, you might as well get paid in DOGE for it.
Start here if you want the faucet drip; or if micro-tasks feel beneath you, there’s Freecash where the hourly surveys pay better than adjunct teaching.
6. Litecoin: The Forgotten Altsafe Haven?
LTC/BTC ratio quietly grinding off the YTD low. No headlines, no dog hats, just 2.5-minute blocks and sub-cent fees. If you’re allergic to ETH gas or simply nostalgic for 2017, Free-Litecoin still dispenses a few litoshi every hour. I spin it while waiting for the coffee machine. Compounding is compounding, even if it’s measured in millilites.
7. FireFaucet’s 7th Birthday Bash
They’re showering points like it’s 2021 again—$2.5 k referral contest, 30 % survey bonus, and an hourly raffle that feels eerily like a Vegas slot. I told myself I’d stop at 3 a.m.; the site told me I’d unlocked Level 42 and a 12 % rate boost. Join the madness if your sleep schedule is already ruined.
8. Publish0x, Minds, and the Last Uncensorable Corners
While TradFi debates which ESG box to tick next, writers are earning ETH and AMPL just for thinking out loud on Publish0x. If Substack ever deplatforms me for excessive sarcasm, I’ll see you over on Minds—they’ll even pay you in crypto to shitpost. Decentralization isn’t a pitch deck; it’s Plan B.
Closing Time
The macro backdrop looks like a Jackson Pollock painted with red ink and hopium. My base case: sideways chaos until something breaks—maybe the yen, maybe the repo pipes, maybe my will to live. Until then, I’ll keep rotating from fiat into faucets, from faucets into cold wallets, and from cold wallets into sleep debt.
Sell vol, spin faucets, and remember: liquidity is a mirage, but a Dogecoin earned at 3 a.m. is forever.
– Your anonymous insomniac in the trenches
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