Soft skills ain’t so soft after all.

Maybe it’s the lawyer in me, but I despise the phrase “soft skills.” It drives me nuts when people ask me what I do. Then, I tell them, and they say, “oh, you are in the soft skills space!” As if it’s the easier part, or less important.

Soft skills are the hardest to exhibit consistently and not so easy to learn. What’s the opposite of soft? Hard.

Webster defines “soft” as “informal, easy; involving little effort; not difficult, laborious, trying, or severe.”

I call that you know what!

What are they, anyway?

Dictionary.com defines “soft skills” as “desirable qualities for certain forms of employment that do not depend on acquired knowledge: they include common sense, the ability to deal with people, and a positive flexible attitude.”

I disagree with both definitions, mostly. First, demonstrating so-called “soft skills” is not easy by any stretch of the imagination. When one shows empathy for another person, even in the face of never having the same experience, that’s not easy. When someone remains adaptable in an ever-changing work environment and keeps emotions under control, that’s not easy. When one brings conflict forward instead of letting it fester under the surface to ensure a calmer, safer work environment, that’s not easy.

Furthermore, while these skills do include interpersonal skills, the definition of “soft” does not lend itself to the level of effort it takes to exhibit soft skills. These skills can be acquired.

Hard to quantify

I disagree that soft skills are hard to quantity or track. I understand why some may think so, but with 360o surveys, employee engagement surveys, and focus groups, we can quantify how using soft skills converts to more positive numbers and experiences.

As someone who accesses data from the above tools often, I find that it is very clear how interpersonal skills impact relationships, promotions, project success, and the list goes on. Just because you can’t use a ruler to measure empathy doesn’t mean it’s not impactful.

Soft vs. hard: What’s the difference?

It’s often confusing about what the differences are between hard skills and soft skills.

Simply put, hard skills are things like software development, statistical analysis, spreadsheet development, typing speed — skills that are more easily measured and might even have an accompanying certification.

Read more about LinkedIn’s 2018 list of hard skills here.

Instead of thinking of soft skills as “easy” or “the lesser part,” we should realize why they are, in fact, hard. Often, the use of soft skills elicits the most emotions. For example, if I am working with a team member who is going through a family crisis, and I sit with them and listen while looking them in the eyes, I am using my empathy skills. This is not easy to do, but it makes our relationship even stronger. While the thought of becoming a software developer makes me cringe, I realize that it takes a lot of effort. It takes even more effort to be a communicative leader who listens and collaborates to maximize business results.

Can and should they be developed?

Though they’re extremely fluid and highly personalized to each individual, soft skills are a critical component for professional success — and are often the most distinguishing factor between applicants. CareerBuilder

As a people and organizational developer, I know that people can change, but they need to want to change first. I once had someone challenge me in a workshop about a person’s ability to develop their soft skills. To be fair, he was a seasoned leader who had seen how difficult it was when a team member did not possess the hardest skills needed to grow. Nonetheless, when he challenged me, I recognized why teaching these skills is not easy, but is possible. I said, “Of course, I know that some are born with more soft skills or emotional intelligence than others. While I don’t think that a person with very low emotional intelligence or very few soft skills, to start, can level up to the same level as someone who starts their life possessing many of these skills, I do think that people can grow their soft skills over time. They have to be self-aware and want to make the change.”

To be clear, one may be a darn good accountant, but if they are unable to connect with their internal customers, they won’t show career progress. A mechanic might be able to pull off a mean engine repair, but if they can’t relate to the customer who owns the car, what good is it all? Soft skills are in demand. They can and should be developed.

Read more about the need for soft skills in the talent market here.

The Bottom Line

I want to turn the notion of soft skills on its head. Let’s start to call these skills hard and not soft. To demonstrate these skills is not the lesser part or less difficult. In fact, it’s damn hard to be fully present in a conversation, to be an adaptable person, and to work across the table from people who think and act differently than you do. If we are going to stick to the term, let’s at least show a little respect for the depth of work it takes to grow and use these skills. Yes, they are not as easy to measure, but we all darn sure know when they are absent and when they are front and center.