Doc Purr is investigating the CryptoKitties genes

Ah, good, you’ve arrived. I don’t have time to take away from my research to waste on pleasantries, so we’ll get right to the point.

As you know, I am an accomplished scientist in any number of areas, from the reanimation of posthumous flesh to the creation of new Kitty varieties that I have unleashed on an unsuspecting world! Mwuahahaha! Ahem. Yes, it is true that they have so far failed to wreak the mayhem I desired, but they’re a work in progress. I believe in constant iteration.

Of course, the crowning jewel of my achievements is in my work deciphering the CryptoKitty genome, which remains an ongoing project on which I am making excellent progress. You may have heard of Doctor Kai, who is much renowned in the upper echelons of society for codifying and classifying genes in the early days of this branch of research. Some might say all the work I have done to date relies on the research that he pioneered. I say why give credit to the ingredients when you have at hand a master chef! I will dominate my field and be the first to fully decipher the CryptoKitty genome and successfully predict future trait releases AND create my own CryptoKitty Fancies! None other could do what I will do! I will be remembered FOR ALL — what?

Excuse me, I have to go sign a mayoral proclamation. I thought seizing ultimate control of Kittenheim would provide me unlimited power, but so far it’s just a lot of meetings and signing cheques.

Now, where was I? Ah, yes. FOR ALL TIME! Speaking of time, there was a time before traits were as robust as they are today, and I suspect we will look back on these halcyon days as equally simple. The release of environmental traits are a fascinating development in gene research. I am quite displeased that the salty traits make water so much more prevalent — I have had to throw away all of my crushed velour lab coats. However, the finalfrontier Cattribute has been incredibly popular with would-be astronomers in Metropurrlis, as well as several fallen stars here in Kittenheim. And of course, should I crack the CryptoKitty genome and create my own environmental traits, the possibilities are endless! Kitties enveloped in a haze of smog! Kitties surrounded by flames! Kitties in fields of daisies! Or, er, flesh-eating daisies.

Now, the reason I have invited you here is because you may have thoughts about the mysterious 12th gene slot. Any insights you could provide would be incredibly valuable. (I know, it’s a long shot, you don’t even know what the 11th is yet, which is adorable. I discovered its secrets three months ago!) If I can discover what it is before its release, I may be able to discern the secret algorithm they use, replace their intended genetic outcome, and once and for all rule supreme over all the Kitties of Earth! Mwahaha! MWUAHAHAHAH!

I would weaponize the final gene slot, creating an army of Kitties who are completely loyal to me as their ruler and ultimate overlord. We could go to the beach together and chase the seagulls, and they would learn to fear our feline prowess… But I suspect the simpering fools over at CryptoKitties would see that as too “violent” and “not cute”. No, their plans must be something else. Something less tangible than the current traits, perhaps even something that isn’t physical at all. Each Kitty is unique in so many ways, from our creative pastimes to our stylish looks. What is there left to quantify?

Whatever plans they have up their sleeves, I will meet head-on. I will discover the truth of the final gene and use it to my advantage… but, you know, if you have any ideas, maybe let me know? I’ve hit a bit of a wall in my research, to be honest. Of course I’ll credit you in all of my papers as “Research Assistant I.”

And together? I will rule the — I mean we. WE will rule the world.