a lesson of evolution, beauty, failure, acceptance, commitment and thorough transformation

There are many reasons, why I like to draw with a pen: the look of the ink, the possibility to draw extremely fine lines and the fact that there is no „undo“, so that the drawing process is also a challenge of maintaining concentration but also mental and emotional flexibility. But this means that the chances are high to “not succeed”.
Today, I will share two states of a drawing, where I at first considered the first one to be the more beautiful one. At some point I even considered to give up.

Given this I want to share a lesson of evolution, beauty, failure, acceptance, commitment and thorough transformation.

I started this drawing, without having a clear picture in mind. I just knew that I wanted to draw something. In fact, it even was one of those rare moments, where I had no idea. Therefore I started with something I always enjoy, like a beautiful face with a strong expression. I quickly got into a nice flow and my drawing got with each line more beautiful. Inspired by my success, the creative blockage dissolved and I started to encounter interesting elements, suggesting promising figures, waiting to be worked out. This resulted in a primordial creature coming from an ancient place, where time just started to evolve and consciousness began to shape chaos. Words like “eidos, daimon, entheon and Ursuppe” were thereby jumping around happily in my mind. And I drew something, with a disconcerting grace, which was new to my imagination. Spurred by this alien beauty and driven by my curiosity to experience its full potential, I got very deep into the drawing process, where I reached an almost trance-like state. More like an observer, than the actual artist, I began to watch the elegant movement of my hand and the fine paths which were following the pen, forming contrasts, shapes and shades. It almost appeared like carving to me, slowly emerging into a third dimension, striving towards fantastic realism, a space where imagination easily can evoke the sense of life and call in a soul. Fascinated by this idea, I or my hand or both got trapped by the sweet illusion of a self-evident perfection: A rewarding state of maximal harmony, with perfectly balanced and utterly divine shape, structure and light.
This is the end of artist's epiphanic ecstasy!
...
In panic of losing lightness, I became manic and summoned the dawn of darkness. Daimon, the ancient deity was gone, defeated by demonic density. In fear of failure, I became furious and couldn't stop, quickly followed by despair and frustration... Such a waste of energy, time and sanity. NOT, with me!
And I surrendered to the evolution, let go from the impossible ideal and switched my focus from result to progress. It is all about creation and creation has at least two senses. One is referring to the result, the art work, and the other to the process of creating - flash of wit - which is by itself already art, and could ideally be named as “work art”. Its beauty is often hidden by the lapse of time, but awareness is the key: within each moment, there is a secret eternity, a sequence of serenity.
And here she is, my lost divinity!
New inspiration, no expectation and out of a clear sky there was the horizon. I again became free. The drawing is finished and I did my best.
And besides this, I got a profound teaching about transformation, not only by observing the changes on the paper, but also within myself and the energetic forces which are all entangled to my attitude, commitment and attention.
I am happy and grateful.
With this I present proudly a new art baby of mine with the name:
“Das beseelte Hirngespinst”.