Dissociation (Part 2: Self-portraiture of sorts)

I'm not confident with portraiture in the slightest, recently i've been trying a lot harder to remedy that, but during this project the idea of drawing people was daunting; It definitely still is now ... just less so.

During this project however I thought it was important to try, and with the concepts behind the work I could afford to not be accurate and just have fun with it, if anything it was preferred as the distortion of the human figure would create a further disconnect.

These four were the first few attempts with the top right being the very first:

(Originally 5.8in x 8.3in, Watercolour and charcoal)

I quickly decided that closed eyes were the better choice because of the distance it creates, and that sadder expressions better suited the negative experiences I had with dissociation. The colours I found to be too bright and all of the materials didn't seem to be blending the way I wanted them too, but this was perfected (somewhat) in later pieces.

(Approx 11.7in x 16.5in, Graphite, watercolour and charcoal)

(Approx 11.7in x 16.5in, Graphite, watercolour and charcoal)

These turned into unintentional self-portraits as I thought about, and almost relived, some of the dissociative feelings I have experienced, but before these I had tried to create some self portraits that just looked less and less like me the more I tried. The disconnect I felt from myself was something that I wasn't aware of until after I gave up with those first failed few and started these. Being aware of that disconnect and running with it in these pieces definitely made the work easier to produce, and helped the project progress further, as I fell in love with the look of the watercolour paints and charcoal. There are a lot of proportion and perspective critiques I could give myself about these pieces but they were important regardless of whether they were perfect or not; this messy style and the materials used are something that I carry throughout the entire project and, spoilers, end up using in a final installation piece.