The Edge to Madness

In this current society why do so many people feel an entitlement to be a judge, jury and executioner? It's amazing how everywhere we turn someone is judging or being condescending to others. I am utterly appalled by it, especially since I've been on the receiving end of it for far too long. My anxiety can only go of two ways: peace or madness. I fear the madness.

I have been up and down the ladder of life in my career/job world. It has not always been pretty, but an honest effort was always made. That was my work ethic and I was proud of myself. For some unfortunate reason I have been in a mix with some horribly selfish people. They, both man and woman, feel a special entitlement because they have a dollar or two more than me. Isn't that a shame? I think so.

Even women I thought were my friends have become very condescending towards me and I don't think I will ever know why. How brutal they were last week, just ganging up on me. I was astonished and automatically became defensive.

When I first started work at my current company I was hired as a branch office administrator. I worked long and hard for a position like that, plus the increase in salary. I was so proud of myself. Hard work did pay off. Well, unfortunately because my two bosses behaved scandalous they were forced out and a new management team came in. Where did I do? I became collateral damage. I was demoted with a significant paycut. That hurt more than if you were to cut my spleen out with a butter knife. I had to suck it and accept it because it was better than unemployment.

Now after a number of years and zero success at obtaining another job, my old position is open. I got the alert and applied right away. Unfortunately my two friends knew about it and didn't tell me. When I mentioned it because that's what I thought friends do, share, they were not enthusiastic at all. They berated me about how human resources have changed or updated. I already knew the new system because I've been checking it over the years. A few days of detail notes would fix it. They were adamant that I couldn't do it. How deflating. My sister and mother no better.
My only emotional support is my husband and father in law. I should be grateful for that.

It's bad enough that my anxiety renders me highly sensitive but I don't, and no one does, deserve such hostility from supposed loved ones.

I hate to admit it but all I do is cry. I have at least one outburst a day. I emotionally feel I'm on the brink of madness without any control of stopping it. Where does one turn? I don't want to burden my husband when he has lots going on.

I have a lot to learn about myself and people around me, don't I? I had hoped that as we become older then we become wiser, but I don't see it.

Please wish me luck on the possibility of regaining my old position. I miss the work, brain stimulation and my money. If my "friends " don't care then I must accept and move on.

For now I just need to find a way to release these volatile emotions I have. I look up into the sky and pray for calm and not madness.

I would always appreciate constructive criticism. You may have an idea I've overlooked.

Thank you for allowing me to express myself 😀