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RE: Copy Clinic - Would You Trust this Corporation?
I hear the blue cloud lady too :-) I would suggest sharpening the first sentence and also maintaining the absurd "what if" proposition by using a conditional tense. e.g: "Imagine someone proposing that the key to social justice was to establish a gigantic corporation? Much larger than any other, this corporation would have revenues in the trillions of dollars... it would have a monopoly on some extremely important market...and it would have men with guns to force customers...". (All the ellipses indicate text to remain as is)