"You can never prove your love to those who doubt it" - A painful lesson I have learned throughout the years
Excerpt: this article is one you would want to read twice and come back to when you have difficulties in your relationship. It will save you valuable years on your path. This wisdom, that I have found out only after I had bled and shed many tears, is priceless. The bottom line is very simple - you cannot prove your love to those who do not love themselves! Don't even try, you will only waste your time.
credit: pixabay
That ancient Indian proverb, quoted in the title, has proven itself to be true numerous times in my life. Spouses, friends, relatives – no matter who the person I am interacting with, there always comes a point in our relationship when I feel them asking in their hearts – "does he really love me?"
Since one of the basic elements in a loving relationship is confidence, I make sure to reassure them that I do love them. I do not want anyone who is dear and close to me to doubt my love. When people feel loved they can grow and flourish to be all who they are. Like a flower, they open up and grow beautiful petals, colorful and rich with scents. And by doing so they enrich their environment and make my own life more pleasant. So you see, my reasons to express my love to other people are quite selfish.
But what is so tragic sometimes is the fact that most humans have a serious problem to believe that someone loves them. I tell them that I really don't judge them, and they nod but later I feel how they avoid telling me things for fear that I would think badly of them. I tell them that I really love them, from my heart, and they smile and say "yes, I know", and later they look for new manipulative ways to make me prove that love.
At first, I allowed them to feed off me. Each time they asked for proofs I found new ways to show them how deep is my love. I never got tired of doing that and I hoped that one day they would really feel their own source of love and cease to doubt mine.
And then I realized – I am only doing them harm by abiding those requests. I will never be able to prove my love to someone who has not found it already from within.
And you know, it's quite easy to recognize those who have. People who are connected to their essence LOVE to express that love all around. They will rarely ask "do you love me?", they will rarely manipulate you to show your love. They will actually not care at all if you do. All they would want are opportunities to express their love to the world.
And when they find a counterpart, someone whose heart is sovereign as well, a mature relationship is created.
Blessed is the human who does not need the love of others but can simply rejoice in their own.
Love is a very interesting concept. On one hand, it's very selfish, because you only love whom or what you "choose" to love, and there's no going around that, there's no faking it. On the other hand, once you choose the object of love (be it a person, a cat, a plant - I'm not necessarily talking about romantic love here), you do the exact opposite of being selfish and egocentric - you include those objects in some layer of you, and you show them how much you love them. That's strange and wonderful.
The only ones who require actual proof that you love them back are people, and the more meaningful you are to them (and usually vice versa), they tend to demand more proof. Why? Simply because they are insecure. We are all insecure in many ways, and I say that despite being one of the lucky ones who don't have to "earn" my husband's love or constantly prove mine to him. We all have our insecurities, usually the ones we grow up with (things we witnessed in our parents' homes, in our community, etc.). It's very sad that we, as "superior beings" on this planet, seem to have more trouble than any other kind of being when it comes to handling love, of all things.
But really, one of the first and most important keys to knowing that you are indeed loved, is loving (or at least mildly liking) yourself. Because that gives you the ability to believe that if you can do it, perhaps others would be able to, as well.
Have a lovely weekend :-)
I think love is not only tone, it is a great multiplication to express love. You talked about your experience, the words are very good.
Actually many people can not do this. Like I love my father very much but I can never say to my father, that I love you.
Love can not be expressed in any way. This is a very difficult task. There are those who can do that.
I personally try a lot but can not.
I think I have a lot to learn from you.
If you have time, definitely give me some advice. Would be very good for me. when i read your article then i feel very well and my heart is now very soft.. Thank you for your this article.
Thanks for the feedback.
Many of us need to learn to express our feelings to other people. If it's genuine then it will come effortlessly and if it's not, meaning we don't love someone, we really don't need to force ourselves to say anything just because the society or them expect us to do so.
Here's a small exercise that may help you to express - imagine the person in front of you is you, a part of you that had been quiet for a long time, like a little child, waiting for you to see them and say "I love you" :)
If it is very good then. The expression of affection for maintaining the existence of every human being is very important. What is really work through exercise or meditation? I do not really have ideas about this. But I have heard that the mind is cold, mediated by meditation. If so, then I'm interested. I will personally ask you to teach me about this topic. Then I will be very beneficial. It is very necessary to express love to be multiplied.
Please see my comment to ava66.
There's nothing to be taught here. ☺️
If you help me in this matter, I will be very beneficial. There is no sense about my exercise. But if exercise can change your conscience and heart, and the peace of love is achieved, then I am ready. In fact, I have many wills to power, for the outward manifestation of love. But I can not find any means. If you teach me to this topic or give ideas, then I can take care of myself. I think you can take me back to civil society and love world.
Expressing love is not through the mind. Therefore, there's nothing to teach. It's as natural as breathing. Do you breathe? Of course you are. Were you taught to breathe? Of course you weren't. Do you think about breathing?..
So you see, by living you are already expressing love. By writing your comment you expressed your love. By being in this physical reality you express love. To whom? To everybody who are allowing that love to be recieved.
Can you accept that?
Ofcourse, why not. i accept that from my heart.
No, I do not learn from anyone I am breathing. Just said, I could catch your logic too. Just like there is nothing to learn to express love, it comes from itself. Say a very nice one I am very happy now. I do not know why I say love and I feel love. Not only on one person but also all person. On top of everyone. Like my love for my father, which my father never hopes for. Why do not you know that I am now very much interested in my father & want to tell him I love you very much my dad.
i send you a mail yesterday. but i did not get my answer.
Finding the love from within would surely unleash all the doubts that we have. But how about those people who were lied to from the past? Who had kept broken promises deep within their hearts? Who wholeheartedly believed someone when they were at their most fragile moment, yet ended up with a broken heart? These are the people who weren’t able to help themselves; who weren’t able to “fix” themselves when they were in the process of hurting from the heartbreaking circumstances that happened to them. They are the survivors and surely not a victim, for they have successfully had gone through hell although in broken pieces, yet continued to carry on with their lives.They may had been in a desperate and helpless state, yet they were able to crawl away from it. And these people end up building walls high enough to protect and hide that hurt part of themselves. These are the people with trust issues, who have been hurt from past yet continue to give themselves a chance to heal that ripped heart that they have. Giving themselves another shot to be fully happy by being able to fully trust someone once again. And with that, maybe you don’t know that that person that you are loving is clinging unto your love to be able to face another day of their lives as they continue to deal with the demons from thier past.
Thank you for this brave post, speaking on behalf of so many.
Those who have been hurt were given a gift from the one who broke their heart. They are now stronger, tougher and more connected with their intuitive self. Indeed, they have built walls. Indeed, they (think) they have trust issues. But all is well, as they are in the process of allowing their divinity in.
There is no point in processing, thinking "how can I trust again, how can I get over my doubts, how can I fill myself instead of feeding off?". All these questions are food for the mind but they mean nothing for the process, and they don't influence the enlightenment.
Those people who have been hurt will feel one day that they are ready to start over, love again, trust completely and with no fear at all. How come?
They will know that it doesn't matter. That they can be betrayed again, bitten (emotionally) again, left alone again, but they will always always have themselves. And the discovery of this wisdom will free them for eternity. And they will love and be loved like never before.
This I promise you.
A friend once said a man doesn't know what love is if he hasn't found hate. Most people see the love we give them as a normal duty not knowing it is not. It hurts to love so deep and yet be ignored.
Part of the lessons we go through in life. I keep saying this, and I will continue to do so -
our darkness is our divinity.
We have to go through hate/pain/anguish to really know love and our true heritage.
Thanks for your comment!
Sadly we end up missing all those rules when we fell in love. The rage to have the love back just blackouts our thought process.
Love or hate the sooner you realize the limits the better it is for future.
Which limits?
Love and hatred makes you do things that you regret once you are out of it.
It is just a thin line between the two of them. It takes seconds to fall in love and it takes seconds to hate. But when love turns to hate it takes a miracle to turn back to love
Two words...
##walk away
when.u feel u r not needed
Ah, my friend, so love is about neediness?
Yes ... Everything... Its more about giving than what u recieve...
I have always said to my beloveds -
I do not need you. I am with you because I choose to be.
And right after that, the grilled chicken you mentioned became tastier 😉
n m sure they will be like
The goat itself came to be lawful lol
Then those people deserve "no love"....
My friend, love is not an issue of deserving or not. Love IS. Since you were born. No matter what you - or anyone else does - they are loved. Even the cruelest person ever lived was loved. The problem is that the human disconnects themselves from that love. Then all troubles begin.
Thank you for this incentive to elaborate!
I really feel for your pain because in life you flowed so much tears, and yes if in an relationship we have doubt then that relationship will become just spending an time with the mask means a time will come when the process of doubt will deeply question oneself and in turn it will hurt the relationship by questioning the worth of each other in an relationship. When we engage with people who enjoy their own company they are the people who knows the real essence of life means if one cannot love himself/herself then they cannot love anyone in real essence but they can just do the act of love which will one day have to open the mask of acting. Thanks for sharing this post with us and wishing you an great day and life ahead. Stay blessed. 🙂
WowtThis is very crazy, i am impressed. I'm reading and I feel like you're talking about me. All that happens in my life.
cheers
welcome... i always try to visited your post..
Why try? Do it! 😉
Your presence is always welcome.
That one deserves to be loved and loves there some of my friends once said that a man does not know what love is if he does not find resentment in his heart. We see from to Most people see the love we give them as normal tasks or feelings they do not realize. The pain of his heart so deep that it can be ignored with a new feeling in our hearts.