Wow! that's a very personal story. Thanks for sharing. I have been in the same place in life... I was a teenager and had the same ";" experience. I got through mine by praying to God to do his will and that I would count to three and if the trigger pulled, so be it, and if it didn't that would be the last time. Obvious to say, here I am and that is it....

I am also an alcoholic, with a drink in my hand as I type. I justify it by saying that I keep a full time job and provide for my family and it doens't affect my finances. I'll follow you and keep in touch.