A Fairytale of Dysfunction

mdkberry (56)in #abuse • 5 years ago (edited)

A Fairytale of Dysfunction

or, what happens when you deny men access to their kids

A young, handsome, strong, masculine and dominant man meets a young, beautiful, submissive, open-hearted woman who is attracted to those strong types.

It is a perfect match. She is happy. It's a fairytale.

They get married, exchange vows - "until death us do part", they both say to each other.

11 years and three kids later, she is bored, she wants something new, she is tired of his controlling ways, and is no longer happy.

She complains to her parents. They never liked the dominant man and want to help her.

Her parents get to work on it. They speak to friends and to lawyers, and the lawyers tell the woman, "The only way you can leave this kind of man, is to prove he is violent towards you, or has hurt the kids."

But this is not true, he has not done either of those things. He is controlling, and he is dominant, but that was what had attracted her to him in the first place. She knows this.

But Feminism, the family, friends, and community, all start to tell the pliable, submissive woman, that the only way she can get what she wants is to become a victim. Play the victim, they say. She needs to get him to react, otherwise she will never escape.

She does not want to do this, it is not her style, but she soon starts to realise that she has no choice, the only way she can get away from the man she once loved, is to do as her friends, family, and Feminism suggests - to deliberately make him react.

They go back to the lawyer and ask "How do we do this?". The lawyer tells them. "It is easy! Start a diary, keep records, tell stories about his dominating behaviour to other people, get those other people onside especially if they are his family or once were his friends. Log stories about his aggression and push his buttons whenever you can. It wont be hard, it will just take some time, but you need to push his buttons and the best way to do that, is to leverage the kids. Gang up on him, work together as a unit, and start to pull his children away from him. He will do the rest."

So they do this. They build a story, a fairytale narrative about his dysfunction. They tell themselves that they are doing it to make their daughter happy. They remind themselves that it is all his fault that she is not. He is dominating, controlling, and it was always his fault. Everyone could see that, couldnt they?

They all work together, as a team, they even get one of his family members onside, who then offers her house as a refuge for the woman and her kids, because she never liked her cousin, and she wants to have a girlfriend of her own and some little children running around, oh it will be so lovely, they will have so much fun together.

And so they all start to gang up on the man, and they build a story. They console each other constantly, they are doing the right thing to deliberately manipulate this man to react. They are doing the right thing, it is for her own good, it will make her happy again. It is justice for his controlling behaviour. So they tell themselves this lie, as they conspire to destroy him.

The dominating, controlling man has spent his entire life forcing his way into winning, forcing his way into success, forcing his way into everything. He has been taught to do this, but he has never been taught any other way. He was even paid for his abilities and became a famous sportsman. He was told he had to be a winner, a man, to stand up and fight for what he wanted. He was good at this. He was a warrior amongst men.

But now he was weakening, he was getting old, and he was not as strong as he once had been, and that is when he noticed his wife no longer seemed to be attracted to him, she seemed distant, in fact she seemed to be looking at other, more dominant men. He felt shame.

Then his wife started to change, she started to ignore him, avoid him, no longer want him. The sense of shame intensified.

Her family disliked him, he always knew that, but now everyone in the community who liked her, started to shun him, and to say things about him. They said he was controlling, he was dominating, he was abusive. But he wasnt abusive, and especially not to the kids. The shame intensified and so did the sense of becoming outcast by his community.

The man and the woman started to fight, she started to have over-reactions that seemed inexplicable. He had not done anything, but she would leave the house and take the kids, crying, all the way to her parents.

Taking the kids pushed his buttons and made him rage. It was one thing to leave, it was another to take his kids. The shame he felt intensified.

He started to get mad. He wanted to grab her, to stop her somehow. He had been trained to use domination and force all his life, but he knew it would not work on her. He did not know what to do.

So he started to seek other women, to make himself feel better, but it made him feel worse. He started to lose control. He had never lost control before, and no one had taught him what to do when he did. His brain started to play tricks on him, and he began to obsessess about the person he had once loved, and who was now pulling away from him. But worse, she was pulling the one thing he did still love and the one thing that still loved him, away from him - his kids.

She just kept pushing his buttons, the family, even his own cousin, just kept ignoring his pleas not to do it, but they just did it all the more. It seemed to him like they were conspiring against him, deliberately attacking him, deliberately shaming him to his community. They hated him and they did not hide it.

Then one day the family saw the opportunity they had been looking for. They conspired to push his buttons that little bit more, they made the pliable, submissive woman, refuse to let the man see the kids, and finally he reacted in the way the wanted him to.

He took the oldest kid away for the weekend, it was his right, in his mind, to do this. She had been unfair and wrong, and he knew it. He had had enough.

The family finally had their win, they had planned for this moment all along. They went to the lawyer, they got a DVO, they told the police he had abducted the daughter, they amplified the story and made it as dramatic as possible. The lawyer told the women to cry, play the victim, if she wanted to escape him she had to do this, there was no other way! They all agreed this was true, she had to do it. Play the victim, and make him look all the more like an evil, deliberate, perpetrator.

This worked. They celebrated that night at the parents house. They were going to win this thing. They were going to destroy the man and get rid of him out of her life forever. The woman felt sad and confused, but the family celebrated and told her that she should feel happy.

They continued to put the pressure on her to play the victim. Now the man was falling apart, he was losing the only game he had ever lost in his life. He could not figure out how to play this game against his community, his family, his wife, and their lawyers, who were all manipulating the story and using his kids as the leverage.

His shame intensified, he was now out of control and it felt like he was going mad. They were taking his entire life away from him.

Now they had the Police involved and a DVO order against him, they could push the buttons all the more, and they did. That had been the plan all along. They pushed and they pushed and they pushed.

They did not try to fix his relationship with the woman, they did not try to help the man, they did not do this because they all had their own agenda - they wanted their daughter back, they wanted what they wanted for her, they wanted her to do this, not for her, not for the kids, but for them.

The parents, the man's cousin, the community who now believed he was a MONSTER with a DVO. That proved what the family had been saying all along, and all the while those lawyers were getting paid in $$$.

Then they finally saw the way out for her. The made the last push, and she started to believe it was going to work because they said it would. They said they were all there for her, and they would support her every step of the way, and they would.

They all ignored the pleas of the man, no one cared about him. He was a monster, a dominating and controlling beast. No cared about the man, why should they? He was evil, like all men are evil. It was all his fault! They all just wanted him to go away forever. The man should just go away, preferably die and never been heard from again so they could all be free of him.

Now they all had their narrative and it was the truth - they had their DVO, proof that he was abusive, and proof they shared in the community happily so that the community would all shun him too. They targetted his world, they lied about him, they abused him, they ignored his pleas, they hated him, they all told themselves they were doing the right thing because everyone agreed she was the victim and that he was a beast. His community shunned him, the Police watched him, and he was alone.

Then the day came they had all planned for. This was it, The big moment. She took the kids, and ran away to her family. They were ready and this time they would take his kids away from him forever.

Forever!

Boom!

What did any of those people expect to happen, exactly?

In conclusion

Denying men access to their children is a common tactic, playing victim is female weaponry, it is covert, it is deliberate, and it is targetted at destroying the man by making him react. Feminism supports it, lawyers encourage it as a battle plan. The moment a man reacts aggressively it is over for him. If they can get that prized DVO (Domestic Violence Order) they are one step closer to taking the kids away from the man. It is deliberate, staged, planned out, and executed against the man, and currently this is almost completely ignored in society unless the family slip up and do something stupid.

I have no idea what society expects these men to do. Men are expected not to react to abuse, while a community attacks them, a partner shames them and lies about them, that partner and their entire family then use deliberate underhand tactics to target the man, and then deny it. All the while she plays the victim, pushes his buttons using the kids, and they all work to build a narrative of abuse and violence against him. To win.

Feminism's involvement in this process today is evil. There is no other word for it. I have known of a man getting a DVO order against him because they slapped the top of a car, while the wife was inside fucking a man in his house. He did not punch her, he did not attack her, he did not enter the house, he took out his rage by slapping the top of a car outside in the street. The story she told, was very different to this. She said that she felt threatened. The DVO nearly cost him access to his kids. In the end such manipulating will work anyway, often by weaponising the children against a man, as they have no idea what they are being told by the mother. I know other men who have told me this kind of story as their own after growing up with a Feminist mother.

This is what men are up against. There is no support system for them when they finally live up to the expectations of those around them who have targetted them all along. It often is exactly like in the fairytale story above, and if that is how it goes in the end, and the man is so triggered that he kills his own family, that he loves. If that is how it transpired, I actually don't blame him, because he was deliberately targetted and shamed, and had no where left to go.

A Fairytale of Dysfunction

A Fairytale of Dysfunction

or, what happens when you deny men access to their kids

In conclusion

Further reading