DAD-chronicals : Nakedness and the childish sense of shame
Nakedness and the childish sense of shame
In the first years of life, shame is alien to children. They like to be naked and do not mind the nakedness of others. At some point, the child becomes aware of his nakedness. This and the influence of the parents creates the sense of shame.
If nudity is normal and natural at home, then also the shame feeling of the child will be expressed late and not particularly violently. On the other hand, if nudity is taboo and somehow indecent, the child will soon be hiding. Because it learns: something is wrong with my body.
Education to shame
Toddlers are completely at ease about their bodies and everything to do with them. They run around naked, empty themselves in front of the assembled team and make themselves lust whenever they feel like it. At pre-school age, this behavior changes, primarily through imitation and exhortations and parental declarations that being naked is not always desirable. It learns that it should close the toilet door and that it should not play on its genitals when someone is watching. Now it is time, the feeling of shame develops - depending on how much pressure is exerted from the outside, more or less strong. Until puberty, this feeling can intensify into almost absurd forms.
Why nude is not wanted
In our society there are very clearly defined places where people are allowed to be naked. In the sauna, on the nudist beach, in your own four walls. Outside these areas nudity can even be punished as immoral. Why is that like that? In our society, nudity is very much related to sexuality, and in our social consensus it is not part of the public sphere. From this understanding of nudity develops a sense of shame, which we pass on to our children.
How much nudity is allowed?
Can daughters with dad in the bath? Is naked sleeping allowed? Can you walk around in front of your children naked in the apartment? All these questions are presented as unsettled parents. The answer is in all cases: But of course! Nudity and nudity is nothing abnormal or indecent. The more natural and natural the nudity within the family becomes, the more natural the relationship that a child develops to one's own body becomes more natural. It can get to know his body and master this wonderful instrument in a virtuoso way. The basic sexual idea, which for us adults is inseparable from nudity, is alien to children. They take nudity - at least at home - as a matter of course, even if the parents do it. Many parents underestimate their children and regulate and teach them strongly, as far as the observance of the socially required boundaries of shame is concerned. At the same time, our children are smart enough to realize early on that they do not walk around naked in public. They adapt and will insist, even at preschool age, to get dressed when they leave home or when visitors come. The big advantage of children discovering the limits of nudity is that there are no moral limitations or deadlocks embedded in the subconscious mind. You're not naked in public, that's a fact that children learn and accept fairly quickly.
During puberty, many children become more bashful
Puberty changes the body of a child - the pubic hair grows and the genitals develop. Many children who have hitherto naturally handled their nakedness are now becoming shyer. They do not want to show themselves naked in front of their parents anymore and insist on more privacy. This wish should be respected parents. Give your child the space it needs and treat your child with his or her own nudity in a more restrained manner if it feels uncomfortable.
Emotional feelings are development signals
In summary: Children want to belong and join the family. They learn rules and limits and develop autonomous feelings in certain situations - including the sense of shame. Whenever a child shows shame, and not just when it comes to undressing and nudity (for example, visiting a doctor), you should understand it. It has learned the shame from you, so you are also responsible to respect this learning and development process. Phrases like "Do not pretend!" Are inappropriate and disrespectful and seem like a rejection to the child. It develops another kind of shame: to feel or communicate one's own needs.
I´m looking forward to your experiences and additions.
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Once again, a wonderful post @bembelmaniac.
I'm sure you know already, but there's still some "primitive" cultures where taking a poop is still, to this day, a social event. Here in Europe we took a dump together, as a family or group of friends, or even with total strangers, often in parks and gardens, up until the middle ages. Not only as a person, but also as a society we've learned to be ashamed about certain parts of our body and certain bodily functions ;-)
I've missed too much of this lately... Thanks for a great read again!
you know my way of this stories... i love to talk sometimes about stuff others dont want to go... but this is real life.... So we have to talk about all this stuff... but way to less read this stuff or give feedback
Love this post!!! I am out of voting power so I will send @larrythelion instead. Real wisdom here!
Awwwww thx so much ... This kind of Feedback is why im doin this Stories ... The Dad-Chronicals arent only a personal knowledge of me... it is alss thought as an eyeopener for some parents ;)