Cookies, life, and everything in between…

Life, sometimes it feels like it’s just the act of moving on. Running, rushing, yet also standing still all at once.

There are moments when we’re surrounded by people, and still, not a single real connection happens. Then suddenly, you come across one person, and it feels like your heart has finally found its match. You can’t wait to meet them again, to spend the whole day just talking. Strange how that works, isn’t it? Maybe I am missing my old friends... so here I am.

Today I just felt like opening up. I’m truly grateful for this platform; it keeps me grounded on days when I lose interest in everything and everyone. I wouldn’t call it depression, not at all, but yes, a little anxiety! Though I don’t even know when it became part of me. Have any of you ever felt this way? It’s such an odd state to be in.

I even notice it in small habits. For example, I always wear a necklace, but almost every night, when I’m half-asleep and about to drift off, I wake up to check if it’s still there. I touch it, hold it, as if I’ve lost it. I don’t know why I do this. Maybe some leftover childhood fear or trauma, who knows? But it’s becoming constant now.

And then there’s the bigger worry, my children. Their future is always on my mind. I want the best of the best for them, but with inflation, joblessness, and the way the world feels right now, it worries me deeply. I often wonder if I’m doing enough. if I should be pushing them more. I want to sit with them, tutor them daily, but it’s not always possible. Yes, they can self-study, but as a mother, I can’t help but question if that’s really enough. Maybe I should be focusing more…

The older I get, the more I realize that there are always going to be parts of life that are totally and utterly out of my control. In fact, learning how to just go with the flow and take things as they come is probably one of the most undervalued life skills. I'm trying to learn this but not quite there yet. Am I doing my part? This constant worry... Because how do we truly find that balance… that peace? Maybe the answer is that balance and peace are already all around us. The universe itself is always in harmony. To every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. Every inside has an outside, every positive a negative. There is no substance without space, no space without substance. Everything that happens, every joy, every fear, every uncertainty, is essential to the existence and balance of the universe as a whole. No?

And if the universe can hold all of this in perfect balance, maybe I can learn to hold a little more peace in my heart too...