Introverted, Mostly Unbothered and Mildly Traumatised by My Inbox :D

The older I get the less I have time for the outside world and find myself retreating inward. I just don’t seem to have the energy for people anymore, lol. Don’t misunderstand me - online, is a totally different thing altogether… “people at a distance” haha! It seems silly doesn’t it?! - and even that has been pushing my limits lately... Except here, that is the one thing I will say before I even start writing. This is still one of the very few places that I still feel completely myself.

Lately, I have been swinging between feeling completely lonely and simultaneously wanting to hermit myself even further. Shrinking away from the world altogether - loving it and also hating it… though, I don’t think that the hating it part is an accurate way of putting it… because I don’t actually think it is the being alone that I am hating, just the change from having had someone who I shared my life with (even though they weren’t always here) to having nobody. Its a feeling of “loss” in a way and that is the part I hate… I still don’t really want to see anybody though… haha - go figure. Oh what tangled webs we weave.

I keep trying to dip my toes back into mainstream social media and every time I do, I just get completely freaked out by the overwhelming amount of weirdos that there are out there and I also get very quickly exhausted by how people just don’t seem to exercise any boundaries online. You would swear that by posting a picture of myself (fully clothed haha) with a short inspirational or motivational write up - sent some sort of radio wave signal out to every single male on the planet that I was looking for some kind of companionship or want to partake in some kind of sleazy conversation behind the scenes, lol. If I were to show you my DM inbox on these spaces… I could scroll for about ten minutes and not reach the bottom of the “How YOU dooooing” messages waiting there for me.

It is insane. Truly! And totally creepy too and all it does is make me want to retreat even more! Sometimes I feel like there is just nothing savoury left in this world. Almost every kind of situation makes me feel exposed and vulnerable and it shouldn’t.

Yes, I ignore the messages and I don’t pay too much mind to the rest of it, but come on man… it just cheapens the whole experience in general. I am also repeatedly left speechless at the amount of individuals that feel it okay and acceptable to start whatsapping me inappropriately on my business line number and then, when I have to be politely firm… they get all huffy…. What the hell?!

You know that song by Jack Johnson… where did all the good people go? Lol - yeah, well that comes to mind…