When do we Feel MOST Like Our Authentic Ourselves?

I write a lot about authenticity and staying true to ourselves, here on these pages.

It's one of those concepts that begs the eventual question of when do we actually feel the most like ourselves? Is it when we are by ourselves? Or is it in the company of another?

When I look back across my life, I sadly have to conclude that most of the time when I felt truly authentic and in a good place with myself, I was living alone.

That is not to say that I haven't had some pretty happy and satisfactory relationships over the years, it's merely a reflection of the fact that we sometimes tend to lose ourselves when we are with somebody else.

That isn't necessarily anybody's fault, as such, and it's usually due to a combination of factors… at least a few of which are related to the fact that we compromise in the service of "getting along" and not getting into fights constantly.

But perhaps the fact that we try to bend ourselves into a strange funhouse pretzel shape in service of getting along tells us something about our choices and partners. Perhaps it tells us how good we believe we have a right to expect something to be. Or perhaps it tells us that we lack the self-confidence to choose what we truly want, in life.

One of the common refrains I've heard from friends over the years is essentially related to that thing we so often get told: "don't settle." They come back at the end of failed relationships and ultimately and reluctantly admit that "I really thought this was as good as I could do!"

But are we really brave enough and ready to reach for that which we want the most? We may insist that the answer is "yes" and give lots of lip service to "making healthy choices" in relationship partners but are we really able and ready to do so?

In the field of psychology, we so often see people wrestle with this thing called "the repetition compulsion," in which we keep replaying our childhood drama over and over in our adult relationships. Of course we don't think we're actually doing that, which is why we are so often surprised when we find that we've done the same old thing one more time.

Sometimes we have been thoroughly "conditioned" to make life and partnership choices that really are no good for us.

The real magic happens when we actually feel the most authentic and like ourselves when it is with the company of another... who truly gets us, and simple allows us to be, without the need to make us feel like we need to be something else.

Sadly, it is also very rare and something most people don't get to actually experience. But we must allow ourselves to be open to the possibility that it can happen!

Thanks for stopping by, and have a great weekend!

How about you? When have you felt the most authentically yourself? Have you been able to do so in the company of another person? Leave a comment if you feel so inclined — share your experiences — be part of the conversation!

(All text and images by the author, unless otherwise credited. This is ORIGINAL CONTENT, created expressly for this platform — Not posted elsewhere!)

Created at 2025.05.11 00:52 PDT
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