The Ebb and Flow of Futility

Do we have actual ”relationships” with our moods?

And if we do, what makes them ebb and flow, the way they do?

Because moods tend to not be consistent; to not be of the same intensity and strength, all the time. Sometimes we feel immense sadness, others the sadness dwells only as a weak shadow in the periphery of our awareness. All the same, we're aware that it is sadness we are dealing with.

At least if we're in touch with our feelings...

As of late, it has been a sense of futility that has been living near the forefront of my awareness.

I keep a glass jar on my dresser — as many people do — and I toss loose coins from my pocket into it, whenever I remember or whenever I change pants.

At times it feels like a meaningful exercise that helps me save towards some eventual goal. At other times, I just look at the jar and think to myself that it will never amount to anything significant.

In sitting with those feelings, I realize that it’s neither the jar — or its contents — nor the action of throwing loose coins into it that leads to my sense of futility… is the fact that my sense of ”anything significant” has become a moving target that seems to be gradually getting bigger and bigger over time, while the coins get tossed into the jar at a more or less consistent speed.

There was a time when a year’s worth of coins would buy a plane ticket to go on holiday… and now it seems more and more like a year’s worth of coins will barely buy a nice dinner for two.

The sense of FUTILITY sets in.

Seems like life in 2025 has become this constant battle to simply not lose ground in the game of life. The idea of "getting ahead" has been replaced by the feeling of just considering staying in place to be victory.

Maybe it's a small wonder that futility is a common emotion in such an environment. Futility, born of the lingering feeling that today's objective is simply to not fall further behind.

Is that really the best we can do; as a society, as a species?

Whatever happened to those promises of yesteryear that we we going to enter a golden age of properity as technology and automation would make products and services cheaper and cheaper?

As far as I can tell, the only thing I see the cost of living do is... GO UP.

Maybe I am just in a grumpy/depressed mood because I have been doing bookkeeping for taxes. And I watch the column for "expenses" increase year after year, while the column for "income" stays constant, or creeps up by only a few percent.

As I move closer and closer to "retirement age" I keep remembering that "worrying about money and my old age" was not part of the plan when I was in my 30s.

But what can you do?

Get up tomorrow, and move forward...

Thanks for stopping by, and have a great remainder of your week!

How about you? Are you doing as well as you hoped to be, when you were younger? Do you find life harder and harden to navigate? Leave a comment if you feel so inclined — share your experiences — be part of the conversation!

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Created at 2025.03.25 23:59 PDT
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