Things that I think about and going on in my head, make me wonder, makes me fathom, makes me sad

Source - @cryptopie

The Snake and the Rabbit.

Source - @cryptopie

Source - @cryptopie

Source - @cryptopie

Source - @cryptopie

We are not allowed not to wear socks during our treatment time or everytime we go inside the dialysis treatment area. I find it to be a weird rule because what is the point? Maybe to lessen the eyesore for the nurses or the admins as many patients have no "good-looking" feet or foot for that matter? But anyway, there is this not so new dialysis patient which doesn't wear socks and I saw her being fitted with her sandals by one of the nurses and by the looks of her face, she is in pain with both of her feet.

Her feet are blackened and I later learned that her blood sugar is as high as 175 which I am more than certain that it is a major factor for her being a dialysis patient now. She is mute which means that she can't speak but upon my first sight of assessment, this fellow patient of mine is in deep trouble because of her feet as it gives her pain and it seems that she is not getting a better care for her diabetes otherwise she will not be in such a bad medical situation.

Most new patients likes to stare at me because of my physical appearance. It kind of makes me feel abnormal although I am not normal but it makes me feel bad because I am like a creature of curiosities to such people not only from my new fellow patients. Since I am an inherently shy person I seldom break the ice so I would only mind my own business, fiddle with my Smartphone which I am glad that I have otherwise you will just see me starring at a blank space with my eyes trying to avoid any contact to other people unless my attention is called for a small chat.

It is hard for me to establish friendships to my fellow patients because we only have a few minutes to talk to every session and upon arrival prior to our treatments we all feel bad inside already and I mean poisoned! So because of that I tend to just keep quiet and endure the waiting time until I get hooked-up and achieve a small relief.

Unfortunately I am not getting the same relief as before because of my Nephrologist not believing that a high creatinine levels is bad and that "I am getting dialysis anyways" so they just "mellowed-down" my dialysis treatment intensity and the cleaning factor is not as good as before. In fact I can't feel the urge to eat after my dialysis sessions. It is a minus to my overall well-being and I kept on talking about this because I am just frustrated because there are no more ears out there to take heed of those concerns.

Anyway I remembered this dentist which had been a patient at the clinic in quite a number of years ago. When I would enter the treatment are I would sense him staring at me. Well lots of things would come into my mind like, maybe he is thinking that he doesn't want to end-up like me, or fascinated on how I look and he gets scared, worried, or take pity on me. Later I learned that he just died so I thought, it is unusual because for one thing he too is a doctor and probably know more about how to take care of himself because of his knowledge but he died just in the same year that he became a dialysis patient. But I don't want to think anymore the cause of his death, well OK I think he unalived himself because he has a lot of access to things he can overdosed with because he is a dentist.

Anyway, this is my concern again, the clouds are always heavy and it rains almost very night. It is not that hard yet but I know there will be a level of its intensity in the coming days and week or months even. I am expecting another series of flooding here inside our house because the level of the floor had gone lower as the surrounding level had gone higher. It is a weird thing to observe because it happened to the older houses that I saw during my lifetime and I bet that the flooring of their house when it was built is as the same level of its surroundings and it happened to our house.

That is why in the land of Israel for example, you can find these mounds where a long time ago was not there and was just appear to be a mound because houses and or structures are built and then destroyed and then another structure was built on top of the ruins and it happened for a span of thousands of years until that large area got abandoned until it formed to be a large flat hill as seen from afar.

Now it brought into my mind about this house, it will be demolished and a new one will be built on top of it. It could be my own and parent's house or it would be passed unto a generation not belonging anymore to our family. That's normal of course and I do not mind it anymore because I am already dead a couple of centuries already. What I am saying is that our area here now will soon get higher and higher until our barrio will be free from floods anymore. But it is sad to say that I will no longer see that problem go in my lifetime especially to know the fact that our town alone is a swamp a long time ago and it will turn into it if you just pull the houses from its foundations as well as the McArthur Hi-way which was once was not there before.

I fear on having to lose my Mother, when it comes to my mind it makes me cry, it is because it seems that she is the only one that cares for me. For certain nobody will do what my mother is doing for me like asking me of I want to eat already, putting my socks on prior t dialysis and pulling it out when I go back from the clinic and such things. She knows herself that when she is not anymore around that I will be in a precarious situation to say the least. But maybe things will not be as bad I assume, but I am trying to enjoy every second of every moment that my mother/parents are still around because no oceans in the world will ever be enough to collect my tears after.

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ᴀʟʟ ᴛʜᴇ ɪᴍᴀɢᴇs ᴀʙᴏᴠᴇ ᴀʀᴇ ᴏᴡɴᴇᴅ ʙʏ @cryptopie 𝘶𝘯𝘭𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘸𝘪𝘴𝘦 𝘪𝘯𝘥𝘪𝘤𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘥

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