A true story of naivety, unpalatable facts and abuse

I have had my own small shop for over 24 years, and with it a lot of staff members too. Due to my naivety I've been exposed to some pretty bad situations, as I had a habit of believing the "best" about people. Situations would have to get pretty bad before I could move out of my comfort zone and realise what was really going on. This resulted in thousands and thousands of rands being stolen from me by a particularly psychopathic lady who worked for me for 13 years, but this story is not about her. I had an even more disturbing situation play out in front of my eyes a couple of years ago.

                         

The central character in this story is a woman called Sonia. She had worked for me on and off over a period of about 15 years. She was prone to arguments with other staff members and resigned a couple of times. Sometimes she would ask for her job back, and once I asked her to come back. When you have a small business you can't afford to pay high salaries and unfortunately you get what you pay for. She could do the job but was not very stable emotionally.

Sonia had two daughters, one a little older than my daughter, and one a little younger. She was married to her second husband, John, after experiencing a very abusive first marriage. All this happened before I knew her. She didn't speak about her private life much, but I also knew she grew up in a children's home, after her mother decided she could no longer look after her and her siblings.

We got on okay, she was a little slow but could do what was required of her. I helped her for years by taking cellphone contracts on my name for her, as her earnings couldn't support the type of phones she wanted. Yes I am an idiot. Looking back, at one stage I held phone contracts for 4 people not in my immediate family. Sonia's husband was the main breadwinner in the family and she basically worked for her little luxuries, and probably to get out of the house too.

As the years went on and our girls matured into young women, her daughters started experiencing serious behavioural issues. She was constantly called in by the school to address problems with her children, including absenteeism, disrespect, smoking, drinking and who knows what else. I found it strange as the stepfather was extremely strict, and I would constantly hear about his draconian disciplinary actions. Eventually the 2 girls went completely off the rails, especially the younger one. There were reports of them attending clubs and flirting with their stepfather's workmates. They were very mature looking, but were both under 18 years. Just before their mom resigned (for the final time!) they were involved in a series of lesbian affairs.

For a very brief stage, it seemed like my daughter was a good influence on the younger daughter and she visited our home a couple of times. During one of these visits they decided to have a sleepover at Sonia's house. (This was before the worst of the bad behaviour.) I was usually not in the habit of allowing my daughter to sleepover, but she was 14 years old at that stage. Also, it was difficult for me to imagine the extent of dysfunction that can occur in some homes. Remember I was terribly naive! I drove my daughter to their home and as I pulled into the street and neared their home I began to experience a severe panic attack. We stopped outside their yard and my daughter also felt terrible. I may be naive, but I have learnt over the years not to disregard my instincts. We left without them seeing us, and made an excuse as to why she could not visit.

A couple of years passed, and one day Sonia walked into the shop looking like death, crying bitterly. I took her aside and she said her daughters had had her husband arrested on charges of sexual abuse, and that he was remanded in jail without bail until the first court hearing. She swore to his innocence, and although I felt uncomfortable, I was not in her home and could not know the truth. This had also occurred after her daughters went completely off the rails. The court cases dragged on and on and she had to attend each one. She told me she fainted in one of them. Both her daughters had left home, even though they were still in school. In any case, the judge ruled the stepfather and daughters may not reside in the same home for the duration of the long drawn out trial. Sonia lost a lot of weight, and was constantly sick, even landing in hospital.

As the year dragged on my sympathy for her waned dramatically. She was feeling sorry for herself and didn't seem to care about her daughters, other than how their behaviour affected her. I suppose I came across as less sympathetic and soon after she resigned once again. The truth is I never really believed her husband was innocent, but as I had no proof, I felt I had to give him the benefit of the doubt. My instincts screamed otherwise though, and when I saw him, (regularly as he picked her up after work), my skin crawled. I had to face the truth, the behavioral problems of their daughters had to most likely have their origins in dysfunction/abuse? When I faced this truth, I realised the mother had to know about it. Ironically they had bought my childhood home (long ago, and not directly from my parents) and I knew how small it was.

I was very relieved for her to go. The reason she resigned was their income had taken a huge knock with all the court cases, and she had to find a better paying job. Which she did, for all of 5 minutes and then found she couldn't cope. She asked for her job back and this time I did not re-hire her! I had been sucked into darkness for 2 years. For example, she once told me that her older daughter and her lesbian lover had consulted a witch doctor in order to conspire to kill her and her husband. She said no one could walk into the room without being unable to breathe. On another occasion the father made a bonfire in the yard with all the older daughter's possessions, including mattress, bedding and clothing.

Sonia never did continue to pay her cellphone account so I had to pay until the contract expired. The reason I thought of the couple recently is that I first saw her husband at the doctor's office when I took my young son for an appointment. He greeted me like a long lost friend, and my skin still crawled. I was brief to the point of being purposely rude.

After I moved into the new shop the staff told me Sonia was working at a take-away place nearby. One of my other long term staff  members is ill and had lost a lot of weight. (The HIV/AIDS epidemic in South Africa has unfortunately claimed a few members of staff over the years.) As she walked into the take-away place, Sonia said this to her: "Wow, you've lost a lot of weight, just like Nurse did before she died." Cruel and evil. I have no idea what her family situation is like now, except that she is still married to John. I hope somehow her daughters are able to eventually lead happy lives. Perhaps a naive wish.

I've changed a lot. Recently I made a new friend (or this friend was sent to me!) and she has none too gently repeatedly pointed out my repeated instances of naivety, and now I'm more cynical and questioning. Ironically my own daughter also comments on my gullibility. I can't argue with them, and value their help. Hopefully it won't be so easy to steal from me, or for me not to accept unpalatable facts right in front of my eyes in the future.

Thank you for reading! @onetree