Every time, I look at "On this day" on facebook I get punched in the gut.

I decided to check what was happening on this day a year, or two, or three ago on facebook when a friend had shared a memory and it suggested I check out mine with a convenient link. I clicked the link and immediately I got sad and as I scrolled down more, got more sad.

The first thing I saw was this:

Reminding me of a time when I had my awesome bike, and a body that let me use it. Fast-forward just one year and I have gotten rid of the bike because my IC makes biking a no-go. I really loved that bike and, obviously, being able to bike. So, that was the first gut punch "on this day".

Then I scrolled down more and see this:

Ah yes, four years ago when I was eating stew and drinking beer and my best friend wasn't dead. We were later going to have a sleep-over. And, as usual, it was awesome. Nine months ago she died. So, this was gut-punch number two on this day.

What other gut punches have "on this day" offered me?

It's pretty common to see posts about my ex boyfriend. Luckily no pictures accompany those posts because the aforementioned best friend logged onto my facebook when he and I broke up and systematically went through, and deleted any photo of him that existed on my page. And there were a lot, we dated for over 2 years and I was completely infatuated. True friend, right there.

I also am reminded of my time in college. When my life was on the up-and-up and before I became homeless and was unable to get to school because it wasn't on a bus route. I don't like to think about those times much as it just hurts. So, seeing past-me typing glowing statuses about how great life is as I sit in a filthy apartment, depressed....well, it sucks.

Dead pets. I am reminded of dead pets when I use "on this day". And one pet that the ex-boyfriend of 2+ years left in the woods when she got pregnant after we broke up. So, there's that one. That's about as gut-punching as you can get.

Wait, no, it's pretty gut-punching to see posts of me talking about how much I love my "mommy" when now my mom and I rarely talk for very serious reasons and she's in some other state, homeless, with my piece of shit 'brother'. That, that is the biggest gut-punch.

I had been checking "On this day" mostly to see posts from my best friend. While those ones punch me in the gut, it's a bitter-sweet punch. It's a reminder of the love we had shared.

I wonder if facebook memories are as depressing for everyone else as they are for me? I guess it'd depend entirely on your past few years in comparison to your current life. My "On this day" should probably be avoided until I have a few consecutive good years.